I hope the 1-star rating doesn't convey hostility. Animales Racionales is like Plan 9, or The Room, insofar as it is a film that is fascinatingly, hilariously awful. It is mindbogglingly, jaw-droppingly terrible. It is a real talking piece, despite having no dialogue except for inarticulate yelping, yawping, hollering and guffawing. And barking - let's not forget the dog.
A portrait of what life was like on the Canary Islands before the tourists came? Well, not quite. A portrait of what the tourists might secretly be hoping for upon arrival on Lanzarote? Maybe yes.
The world is ravaged by nuclear meltdown. Three people, remarkably well dressed and tidy, survive. Or they just sort of turn up, unmarked, unscarred, dressed for a party. They don't seem to have any language. Brother and sister, the blondes, and the other guy. They roam around and try to scavenge. They eventually find a fruitful zone - it's all a bit Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve-y - and the dog, and an ocean to swim in. And they have sex, all three of them. And plenty of it. And it is even strongly implied that the dog mounts the woman as well. By the sounds of things, the dog is the best lover of the three.
No conversation. No dialogue except for various cackles and shrieks, and an impossibly busy, strident, overcooked orchestral soundtrack. Where in heavens name does all that music come from? I mean, this movie is basically no budget, not low budget. It's hard to believe there was even a script.
Now for the kicker. This really takes the boot. 1 hour 37 minutes. 97 minutes of the writer/director's fantasy of a new Eden after apocalypse. Not an entirely peaceful, conflict-free Eden, to be fair; the dog is in no mood to share after getting its turn on the blonde. And what of her opinion? Lots of lascivious, mischievous looks, and cackling. But seriously. 97 minutes! How can this film last so long with so little happening?
Give it some credit though. Despite having overblown symphonic music that doesn't fit the primitive world being shown, despite having no script, despite having sexual couplings that are too bizarre to be sexy, Animales Racionales is still a better and more entertaining movie than, say, Jeanne Dielman (1975), the purported, according to Sight & Sound magazine (2022), Best Movie Ever Made. I guess this bizarre post-Apocalyptic love-in is meant to be a makeout-movie (IMDB calls it a grindhouse). In which case, find yourself a second pair of lips and get stuck in. The movie can play in the background.
10/10 for sheer inexplicable daftheadedness.
