Panic on the 5:22

When I saw this TV flick I was about 13 years old and thought life was a well-tended suburb. This crude little Movie-of-the-Week helped start me on the road to reality.

I don't know how they got it by the feel-good police, but this "movie" gave a pretty good accounting of the stark difference between rich and poor and how awful it can be -- the pathetic hopes of the working-class trio of robbers, the frequent hatefulness of their victims, the inevitability of it all when the robbers know they are caught and the system closes in on them.

> Pretty powerful stuff for the time, and almost impossible to imagine anyone in TV Land green-lighting today. Put it down as "Dog Day Afternoon's" poorer but still worthy cousin -- overwritten and pumped up (but then, wasn't "DDA" as well?) and make sure to catch it on the late show.

"Panic on the 5:22" is a thoroughly tame and spineless made-for-TV disaster/heist movie with only a few noteworthy moments. From Monday to Thursday the lead characters, passengers as well as the robbers of the titular New York intercity train, are introduced via short segments. The passengers that share the rich-people compartment are snobbish, spoiled and power mad. They are company executives, adulterous wives, pretentious artists, and washed-up sportsmen. The trio of robbers are not-too-bright and struggling New Yorkers that accidentally discover that all the aforementioned snobs meet on the 5:22 on Friday to drink bourbon and play cards. The actual heist goes horribly wrong, and not so much because the passengers fight back, but simply because the robbers are clumsy, amateurish and get cold feet. They are actually the ones panicking. The clearly low-budgeted film has very little tension and/or action to offer. There's a lot of big-mouthed threatening to shoot hostages, but the entire train ride remains bloodless and sleaze-free. Even for a TV-movie, "Panic on the 5:22" is unendurably dull. The noteworthy moments I referred to are the close-ups of the lovely Linda Day George.

A talky, boredom laden 70's drama concerning three major dolts (these guys define the word "idiot") thinking the road to riches is to steal from a bunch of fatcats on a New York commuter train. They storm into their private car, a bunch of arguements ensue, and some extremely unlikable characters cop 'tudes with each other. With everything confined to a railroad car, there's not much to do besides talk, and the finale was a jumbled change of heart by 2 of the robbers, with a totally inconclusive ending. We never see the aftermath when the damn train finally gets to the station! What do you expect from cheesy 70's tv cinema? YAWN!

A trio of low-end crooks decide to hit the bigtime by robbing a first-class train car, filled with rich and famous passengers. Arranged in a hurry, the execution doesn't quite go according to plan.

The title PANIC ON THE 5:22 might conjure up thoughts of mass hysteria and gunfire aboard a speeding train. Well, get those thoughts right out of your head. This is a mostly dialogue-driven, made-for-TV drama. So, expect lots of talk, yelling, and some gun waving.

Much of the story seems lackadaisical, like it's being written on the spot. This makes it rather difficult to follow, not because it's overly complex, but due to its overall dullness. Any real action is saved for the closing minutes, when the ineptitude and insanity of the criminals really shines.

It's wonderful to see the likes of Lynda Day George and Bernie Casey, even though they don't have much to do here.

Not a total shambles, but not that exciting either...