Cry Blood, Apache

Some movies make you wonder how you got to this place in your life. Sitting there on your couch, the sun shining outside as you watch 80 minutes of empty boredom on your TV. I do say this with the understanding that a lot of people just try to steer clear from the movies that are unknown, boring, or just badly rated. Still, anyone who has watched their fair share of films knows this feeling. I'm going to call it "The Empty" and it is rampant in Cry Blood, Apache.

What seemed to be basically a revenge film, where the Apache woman takes her would be killers on a wild goose chase looking for gold, all the while setting traps and killing them all, actually didn't feature any of that. Cry Blood, Apache is about an old cowboy reminiscing about the one time, he and a few of his ne'er do well friends shot, killed and raped their way through an Apache camp. During this time they stomped on a pot and found gold inside it. They then murdered all the people until one of the women gave in and told them she would lead them to the gold. Our "Hero" then remembers how they wandered a long time while being followed by an Apache warrior, who also had his eyes on the woman they captured. I'd like to give some specifics, but very little happened for most of this film. Long shots of them walking, watering horses, and constant inane voice dubbing of the "religious guy" who literally spoke some sort of BS scripture about God instead of having dialogue. Wait...wait there was a standout moment where two of the outlaws including the religious one, watched the woman clean herself in the water. They actually giggled at the sight of seeing a woman naked, or at least topless. So yeah, that's a scene...

Cry Blood, Apache takes way too long to get going, and never satisfies in any way. The story, characters, and direction just dry up any interest in this film. Leaving it just a dusty old western.

Released in 1970 and directed by Jack Starrett, "Cry Blood, Apache" is a low-budget American Western about a group of white dirtbags with gold fever who murder a camp of Apaches while allowing a squaw (Marie Gahva) to live in order to take 'em to a gold mine. Meanwhile a relative of the captive, a silent brave (Marcus Rudnick), tracks them down and gets vengeance one by one. Jody McCrea plays the only redeemable person of the bunch while the director plays the hypocritical Bible-quoting nutjob. The burly bearded guy was Leif Garrett's father, believe it or not.

This is actually a late 60s/early 70s exploitation thriller in disguise. Some of the Apache's torture methods, like hanging a person upside down in a stream and placing a bag with a deadly snake over someone's head, are rather chilling without being overly graphic. "Cry Blood, Apache" is a barbaric revenge yarn produced by the protagonist Jody McCrea, who enlisted his dad, Joel McCrea, from retirement to play the old-aged version of his character in the prologue and epilogue for (I guess) name recognition.

The director went on to better things, like 1975's "Race with the Devil," but here he was obviously hampered by the low-budget and the movie comes across inept in some ways (like some of the editing, acting, dubbing & dialogue), which will spur a lot of viewers to hit the 'stop' button (or switch channels). But the film has some rewarding elements despite the tediousness and meaninglessness of it all. For instance, you can't beat the gritty realism. The main characters come across as a group of degenerates with gold fever in the desert, with the questionable exception of Pitcalin (McCrea). Their disheveled and torn clothing looks right. And Rudnick is quite credible as the laconic, merciless and torturous Apache warrior. The obvious question is: Why is Pitcalin riding with these moral-less swine? I suppose because he's desperate and needs the money. While he obviously laments the needless murders, he probably "writes them off" as expected collateral damage.

The eight descriptive words in my title blurb are all fitting for "Cry Blood, Apache." It's also unforgettable.

The film runs 82 minutes and was shot in Arizona and Sequoia National Forest.

GRADE: C

If there are any tears to be shed with Cry Apache Blood they will be from the abused souls who end up watching this pitifully soulless movie! My first mistake was thinking that because it had Joel McCrea's name on it, perhaps it should at least be looked at out of curiosity but, not so. I doubt that Joel would have looked at this mess & if he did - would have been ashamed of it. What is clearly a charitable act of lending his name to help promote his son's production (who displays less character than his dads shadow) turns out to be a sad blotch on his own sterling career. This thoroughly sordid mess offers no redeeming features, it's wretchedly written, acted and photographed - vile in every department. Even if found in an op shop for $1- stay away from it lest ye be brain damaged forever after. For the desperately easily pleased only. Note: Joel (who has top billing!) has all of approx three minutes - within a worthlessly tacked-on- top-and-tail that can only qualify as the ultimate, shameful exploitation. If you want to see him in one last quality attempt take a look at "Mustang Country" from '76 - where it appears more likely he may have been coaxed out of retirement, one last time, in an attempt to redeem himself from his son's moronic disaster.

I'd heard this was one of the worst movies ever, but it's just cheap and mediocre. (How disappointing.) It's no worse than much of the era's drive-in era genre cheapies, particularly the sexploitation, biker and horror ones--though I guess by this point it was a fairly rare low-budget western, since that genre pretty much dying out (big-budget exceptions like "True Grit" aside).

Some 19th-century longhaired white cretins rape and murder a small village of Apaches, taking one woman hostage when she promises to take them to a gold mine. When the a young Apache warrior returns home (he'd been absent during this slaughter), he tracks and methodically kills the brutes.

This movie is kinda like a non-graphic version the same time period's porn semi-classic "A Dirty Western"--though what passed for high production values in a porn flick looks pretty low-grade in a mainstream feature. (There's only so much rugged-landscape location shooting can do for an otherwise micro-budgeted movie.) It's all about abduction, loutish behavior and righteous vengeance. Jody McCrea plays the "nice" member of the gang, who tries to save the "squaw" from further rape and violence; his dad Joel cameos as the character many years later, remembering these grim events.

You've got to wonder if McCrea Sr. (in his next-to-last role) had any idea just how sordid much of "Cry Blood, Apache" would be, since the sleazy aura early on is so at odds with the wholesome image he'd preserved as a Hollywood star. McCrea Jr., in his sole effort at producing, is OK--but he sure was cuter as Deadhead in those "Beach Party" movies.

Nonetheless, this movie isn't so bad. It's got a professional orchestral score, decent technical contributions, adequate pacing, OK stunt work, picturesque high/low-desert locations, and competent direction from Jack Starrett, who played the hypocritically evangelical "Deacon and would go on to direct a fair number of TV episodes ("Starsky & Hutch," "Dukes of Hazard") as well as TV movies and second-rung theatrical ones ("Cleopatra Jones," "The Gravy Train," "Race with the Devil").

Yes, those adjectives are pretty tepid. No stretch of the imagination can make "Cry Blood, Apache" good. But t'ain't THAT bad. It's just drive-in routine, circa 1970, with dialogue largely dubbed in post. Actually, it gets better as it goes on, particularly in late vengeful stretches that reach for tragedy and irony--they don't memorably reach either, but they're effective enough in melodramatic terms. (There's a particularly nasty death by rattlesnake.) Still, the ending is corny.

Big bearded "Billy" was the father of child star Dawn Lyn ("My Three Sons") and teen idol Leif Garrett.

The major theme of Cry Blood Apache is the worthlessness of human life outside of civil society. This nihilistic tale takes place in the mythic old west, around the time of the goldrush, and is about as inaccurate as possible. Nevertheless, the story fermented some interesting ironies and a few fairly predictable but entertaining plot twists. Unfortunately, only the Native American characters are in any way sympathetic and even the Euro-American protagonist is more of a survivor than a hero.

Amoral cowboys rape, pillage and massacre a small Apache village, leaving two survivors, a raped woman and her vengeful brother. The woman becomes attached to the one cowboy who is decent toward her (McLure), but out there in the wild somewhere her brother awaits his opportunity to attain vengeance.

Cry Blood Apache is one of two films released by the late profilic b-movie director Jack Starrett (Dukes of Hazzard, First Blood, etc) in 1970. Starrett also managed to act in at least one film per year during the 1970s, including a memorable performance in Blazing Saddles. Although Starrett's directing is often heavily criticized in reviews of this film, I believe that the film's budget had much more to do with its generally poor reception than the directing did. The film was obviously rushed through production and some of the acting (including star McLure) left much to be desired. Lastly, Cry Blood Apache was made at a time when the hallmark of western films was exquisite and often lavish cinematography - and Cry Blood Apache has neither. Despite all of this, the method of storytelling and the story itself had some merit. Had the film been better-supported, it might have fared better.

Recommended for hardcore western addicts. Not recommended for others.