Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?!

As predicted, ten minutes in and I could take it no longer. And then I read the synopsis and was so glad I didn't bother. I've never been a huge fan of Clunes and having somehow suffered through Nativity 1&2, I am definitely not a fan of the jack@ss known as Mr Poppy. Finding out that it is a film about Martin losing his memory only made it clearer in my mind that I must never, ever watch this film.

It's a shame to see the gorgeous Adam Garcia involved. Looks like he'll do anything for money.

I can't score it, because I will NEVER finish it.

Nativity 3 very much scrapes the bottom of the yuletide barrel. Martin Clunes is the new teacher Jeremy Shepherd who along with his daughter Lauren is looking forward to getting married to his fiancée Sophie (Catherine Tate) in New York but he is also wary of her ex boyfriend, a famous singer who plans to do an impromptu flash mob for Sophie.

Mr Shepherd has to deal with Mr Poppy (Marc Wootton) the man-child classroom assistant who has recently been sacked by the new temporary head teacher in advance of the school inspection.

Mr Shepherd loses his memory after being kicked in the head by a donkey. Mr Poppy plans to take the school kids to New York by winning a flash mob contest in London and also hopes to get Me Shepherd's memory back so he can marry Sophie.

I think only the very young would like this dull film. School kids randomly start to sing and dance for no reason. The story is thin and grossly stupid. Mr Poppy should be locked up to protect the children and when the story moves to New York he inexplicably starts to behave like an adult.

The first two Nativity films (especially the first one) have become family favourites, so it is no big surprise to see Debbie Issit trying to keep it going.

Unfortunately the franchise comes unstuck considerably with this third outing and really should have spelt the end of our trips to Saint Bernadettes.

From a very silly plot (even by 'Nativity' standards) to a miscast male/female lead (Martin Clunes and Catherine Tate), to some of the kids from the first film still making out they are in primary school when they are clearly of secondary age, this just doesn't work as well as the first two.

The problem with improvised films is that they are hit and miss, and this falls in the latter category more often that not. There are some very cringy moments here where clearly even the supporting actors (Ralf Little/Suzie Blake) are struggling to sell this.

Poor Marc Wooton has to carry this as Mr Poppy, as they rely even more so on him dressing up/doing silly voices etc to try to get this over the line. It's worth a watch just to see him, if nothing else.

The franchise took a break after this, before returning with an ill-advised soft reboot...that didn't work.

For the love of God please stop making these films. The first was good, the 2nd was watchable, this is just plain awful. Flash mob after god awful flash mob. There's no rhyme or reason to anything, any sense of realism goes out the window.

Lets get this straight - I went to see this film with 5 kids who are oddly-obsessed with Martin Clunes, and that's the only reason we went to see it. His name - and apparently overly-large ears - became a running joke amongst my 2 eldest boys (4 and 6 yr old boys) because my 14 yr old and 10 yr old nephews saw a sketch mocking his name once on Little Britain. That is the only reason we went to see the film. My boys didn't even know what he looked like.

So off we went, along with my 6yr old niece, and i expected nothing.

Given that i had a few good laughs myself, a short sleep about halfway through for 10 minutes, and got to hear all of the children laughing hard at various points in the movie, my expectation was exceeded - the ludicrous price of kids cinema tickets notwithstanding.

It was probably a little too long for the 4 yr old, but he stood in the aisle and danced for about the last 15 minutes, so i can't have been bad, and he is still laughing at some of the jokes today.

It isn't the greatest kids film but, imho, certainly isn't the worst - a few funny moments for parents (probably not quite enough, but then again, its a kids film) - and for once a British live action film...... so overall, i'm glad we went - and given that it was enjoyed by kids from 4-14, which i think has got to be a rarity - it was definitely a good way to spend 2.5 hours - perhaps a slight shame it wasn't half an hour shorter......