Destrucción total: Las Vegas

Another SyFy Channel movie bites the dust... uhm, I mean sand.

Wow, this movie was really, really cheesy and bad. Sure, this is a SyFy Channel movie, but still I gave it a chance. You know, it could just happen to be one of those rare SyFy Channel gems that actually entertain and prove to be watchable. However, such was not the case.

The story in "Blast Vegas" is about an old ancient Egyptian curse striking down upon Las Vegas, with a blistering sand storm, threatening to kill all people in Las Vegas. And of course it is up to a handful of college kids on spring break to stop this supernatural curse.

Indeed, the storyline was just laughable and nowhere resembled anything that had any purpose whatsoever. There is simply no fun or entertainment to be found in this movie.

The CGI effects were bad, pretty bad. Especially because there were so many flaws and errors in them. For instance, a massive sandstorm blasts Las Vegas for a long time, yet there is no single layers of sand to be seen anywhere. And people venturing openly into this sandstorm have no problems having their eyes wide open - no sand gets into them, and then need not even shield their eyes from the stinging sand. Right, very nice touch right there.

And I just laughed so hard when the group was in the bowling alley. There were debris cluttering the desks, but nothing on the floor. But it gets better, if you pay attention to the background, all pins on the bowling lanes are still standing erect.

One thing also comes to mind, why would a Las Vegas casino have a thousand year old sword lying around where anyone could just pick it up, take it and leave with it? This was just idiotic.

Also, after a prolonged and constant blasting of a sandstorm in Las Vegas, you'd think cars and people would be off the streets, as surely there have been some kind of emergency broadcasting issued. But no, as the storm continued to roll across the city - without leaving anything covered in sand, mind you - there is still a lot of traffic on the roads.

The storyline in "Blast Vegas" is irrelevant and pointless to say the least, and you never really think that there is any overwhelming danger in any way threatening the people in the movie or the city.

The one good thing about this movie was the acting. It was sort of spoofy and held in a very low budget B-movie style. Intentionally, or just because even the actors didn't buy into this storyline and script, well, who knows? Some things are meant to remain buried underneath the sands of time, as is the case with this movie.

Released to TV in 2013 and directed by Jack Perez, "Blast Vegas" (aka "Destruction: Las Vegas") concerns a group of college guys vacationing in Las Vegas, three of whom steal an ancient Egyptian sword from an exhibit and unwittingly unleash a colossal sand storm with other magical things, like a huge sand cobra.

I generally like TV-budgeted MOTW (Monster of the Week) movies. "Gargoyles" from 1972 is Exhibit A. "Blast Vegas" has a great setting and an interesting MOTW, albeit ludicrous. With a setting like Vegas you'd expect a lot of comely females and the movie delivers to a degree, particularly in the first act. Most of the settings involve the group of protagonists traveling in the basements from one big casino to another (trying to stay away from the storm outside). It's reminiscent of the group in "The Poseidon Adventure" where they traveled through the unseen innards of the vessel. In regards to the gargantuan sand storm and peripheral menaces, like a deadly cobra and an escaped tiger, the producers could only do so much with a TV budget. All things considered, the CGI storm looks fine, as does the cobra, but the tiger looks too fake. Yet this is somewhat expected in a flick of this ilk.

Beyond the setting and MOTW, it's the story, characters, suspense and subtext (mindfood) where a movie like this stands or falls. The plot's good but the group of protagonists needed something. Frankie Muniz works surprisingly well as the unlikely hero, as does Barry Bostwick as his amusing supposed-mentor, a Vegas lounge lizard. The females, however, are weak, except for Maggie Castle as the non-hero's potential frumpy babe. The cast desperately needed someone like Cerina Vincent in "Sasquatch Mountain" (2006), Erin Karpluk in "Wyvern" (2009), Cindy Busby in "Behemoth" (2011) or Rebekah Kochan in "Flu Bird Horror" (2008).

As for suspense, it was okay. One sequence in particular was effective, the one involving Steven Schub as a working class thug, resentful of the "rich kids" who vacationed in Vegas. But suspense is created as much by the rising tensions between group members as the threat of the MOTW and this is the movie's weak point. The same with the subtext, which amounts to (A.) don't fool with ancient Egyptian magic (rolling my eyes) and (B.) even a likable "runt" can get the right babe if he plays his cards right. The second is good stuff, but it's not meaty enough to sustain a movie. As such, despite the numerous exciting things going on, "Blast Vegas" is curiously boring and isn't worth mentioning in the same breath as those four Syfy flicks noted above (take that as you will). However, it's still worth catching if any of the aforementioned positives trip your trigger.

The film runs 86 minutes and was shot in Indio, California (and, presumably, Las Vegas, at least establishing shots).

GRADE: C/C- (4.5/10)

The only redeeming thing about this movie is that it is short but unfortunately it still manages to drag it's way to the finish line.

Poor script, terrible acting and laugh out loud special effects. I understand budget constraints and B movie status but really why bother when this manure is the best you can come up with. A little bit of research and a bit more care and attention to detail might have made it a bit less awful but why bother if this is the best that you aspire to... the director's philsophy obviously.

There has definitely been worse movies on the SyFy Channel, and Blast Vegas- or Destruction: Las Vegas- is one of those movies that you should try to watch without expecting too much or take it for what it is. Unfortunately even when trying to do that, Blast Vegas came off as a real mess. Barry Bostwick is okay and at least he tries to have some fun, and the attack in the underground parking does have some excitement and tension. The rest of the acting is very bad though, Joe Dante and John Landis are wasted in literally irrelevant cameo appearances and Frankie Muniz's lead performance is both uncharismatic and charmless. With the characters they are so cardboard and poorly developed you cannot root for any of them and some even do things that are infuriatingly ridiculous. The dialogue has no spark either, it's either very bland, it's very shallow-sounding throughout, or too reliant on the silliness, and sadly the silliness is not fresh or witty enough to be effective. The story has one good scene amongst the numerous but soulless action sequences, dull pacing, disaster scenes that lack any kind tension or sense of danger(not helped by that the characters show no signs of being genuinely concerned about what's happening) and dramatic scenes that are frankly predictable and ham-fisted. The movie is not cheaply made- well apart from the special effects which look hurried and poorly textured- but shows no sense of style, and the direction is similarly characterless. The music plays too much of a dirge and isn't memorable enough in the slightest, at no point either does it do anything to enhance what's happening. In conclusion, has a couple of redeeming merits but a very. very bad movie that is really bland with no character, energy or soul. 2/10 for Bostwick and one good sequence. Bethany Cox

A crate from the "Cairo Museum" is car-jacked, but the sword inside the box manages to arrive at a Las Vegas casino, where it is put on display. There, college students gather to smoke, gamble, drink and have sex. The young men and women are very attractive, except for script-described "runt" Frankie Muniz (as Nelson). With less height and hair than his hunky buddies, Mr. Muniz is given almost no chance to get laid. However, Muniz meets his female equivalent - frumpy Maggie Castle (as Olive) - and the two are mutually attracted. She's not unattractive, but assumes a frumpy posture...

After the jeweled sword is stolen by Muniz' buddies, it "unleashes power like the world has never seen." The sword is said to have originated in 1425 BC. It appears to be cursed - but how and why events occur may require a second viewing of "Blast Vegas" (if you dare). The characters have some ideas. Local "lounge lizard" singer Barry Bostwick (as Sal Rowinski) manages to keep up with the younger cast. A secondary romance holds promise for Michael Steger (as Oren) and Jillian Nelson (as Amber). Andrew Lawrence (as T.J.) knows how to trip over cables nicely. Chris Ridenhour's music is good...

Most interesting is that, in this "special effects" movie, the best sequence does not depend on the effects at all. This scene occurs when Muniz and Ms. Castle are in an underground parking structure. There, they are assaulted by scruffy Steven Schub. Here, director Jack Perez and Mr. Schub inject all the tension and excitement that is missing from the rest of the artificially staged story. The scene is not connected to the movie, but it makes more sense - Schub is a working class man resentful of "rich kids" vacationing in Vegas. His ancestors probably carried stones used to build the Egyptian pyramids.

**** Blast Vegas (7/18/13) Jack Perez ~ Frankie Muniz, Maggie Castle, Barry Bostwick, Steven Schub