Destrucción total: Las Vegas

I love disaster movies, they're one of my favourite forms of light entertainment. They are full of improbable probabilities about the future of our planet; that at their best, make us take note and think, what if(?) At their worst, they usually make you laugh, even though it's unintentional.

So when I read that the writer, Meyer Shwarzstein with screenwriters Joe D'Ambrosia and Tom Teves had added a fantasy element I thought I'd give it a go...

The mistake was mine. My imagination had already given life to the synopsis... The film falls woefully short in every way.

Firstly, the acting was so awful I was wishing the cast would die off quicker. Even Frankie Muniz, who has proved he can act was terrible. The only decent actor in the whole film was Barry Bostwick who does a great job of portraying a constant gin drinking, wash-up, slightly sleazy, lounge piano player. It's because of Bostwick the film got the rating it did from me.

Secondly, the director handles the story material ludicrously. There is no way anybody is going to believe any of this modern fantasy tale. I know it's meant to be lighthearted and comedic but it even misses here. There are too many holes and continuity errors that are glaringly obvious, as well as some impossible situations. These are evident in other disaster films, though in this movie they are less forgivable because of how the story is handled. The pace and flow are so muddled it gives the movie a disjointed feel.

Thirdly, the special effects, are way below average. Though most movies of this ilk are low-budget the effects are usually well created and carried out to maximise the power and atmosphere of destruction. However, in this film they are so unrealistic my attention was actually broken, as I shook my head in disgust.

The writers and directors of this film should have watched Sharknado and others of a similar vein; then they would've had some idea on how to handle the subject material.

I couldn't in all good conscience recommend this film to anyone. Though if you find yourself kidnapped by Jigsaw and forced to watch this movie then you can take some solace in the fact that at least Barry Bostwick may keep you from going insane...

This movie was pretty much bad in all respects from the acting to the poorly written script but it did have some good comedic and action scenes. The special effects were horrendous for the most part but the cinematography was decent.

I did not recognize any of the actors.

A sword, owned by Thutmose III from Egypt, finds its way to Las Vegas. A party group locates it and sticks it in the sand. Just like the Arthurian legend only the true warrior can extract it. In the meantime, its curse launches a headache in Las Vegas. Can this be corrected in time, or will we be subject to lions, tigers, and bears "oh my?" Watch and see.

One of the better disaster movies. If there's a cliché out there that it forgot to include that was an accident. They miss their opportunity to change olives and olive oil.

The actual filming location is Indio, California, USA.

This movie is as bad as a summer in Indonesia, without air/con. Watching it injured my soul: ultra-bad comes to mind. It is similar in smell to old sneakers, soaked in a swamp and stuffed into Icelandic shark cheese. Life is not fair and this movie proves it. The CGI made me hate computers as a rule, despite a career utilizing them for pure purpose. Luckily, this film was commercially supported and there were some delightful adverts during the break. I've enjoyed many holidays in Las Vegas ( none of which involved the mixed-metaphors written herein) and can say safely that no great English/Egyptian sword threatens a visitor: on the contrary; beware of gonorrhea and of crabs.

A crate from the "Cairo Museum" is car-jacked, but the sword inside the box manages to arrive at a Las Vegas casino, where it is put on display. There, college students gather to smoke, gamble, drink and have sex. The young men and women are very attractive, except for script-described "runt" Frankie Muniz (as Nelson). With less height and hair than his hunky buddies, Mr. Muniz is given almost no chance to get laid. However, Muniz meets his female equivalent - frumpy Maggie Castle (as Olive) - and the two are mutually attracted. She's not unattractive, but assumes a frumpy posture...

After the jeweled sword is stolen by Muniz' buddies, it "unleashes power like the world has never seen." The sword is said to have originated in 1425 BC. It appears to be cursed - but how and why events occur may require a second viewing of "Blast Vegas" (if you dare). The characters have some ideas. Local "lounge lizard" singer Barry Bostwick (as Sal Rowinski) manages to keep up with the younger cast. A secondary romance holds promise for Michael Steger (as Oren) and Jillian Nelson (as Amber). Andrew Lawrence (as T.J.) knows how to trip over cables nicely. Chris Ridenhour's music is good...

Most interesting is that, in this "special effects" movie, the best sequence does not depend on the effects at all. This scene occurs when Muniz and Ms. Castle are in an underground parking structure. There, they are assaulted by scruffy Steven Schub. Here, director Jack Perez and Mr. Schub inject all the tension and excitement that is missing from the rest of the artificially staged story. The scene is not connected to the movie, but it makes more sense - Schub is a working class man resentful of "rich kids" vacationing in Vegas. His ancestors probably carried stones used to build the Egyptian pyramids.

**** Blast Vegas (7/18/13) Jack Perez ~ Frankie Muniz, Maggie Castle, Barry Bostwick, Steven Schub