America's Next Top Model

Pack your bags UPN! you may get out of last place in ratings with this new reality tv show of yours. Showing the real difficulty behind modeling is an educating, not to mention sweet eye candy, experience. Having only seen a few episodes and listening to the general buzz about the show, Top model is definitely succeeding in drawing an audience. Then again, reality tv is not for everybody and if that is the case, this isn't your cup of tea. Feminist's may have problems with it due to its promotion of an ideal image of women. Luckily, by having a female host, Tyra banks, and many of the nit picking judges and fashion designers depicted with a strong focus on their respective areas of expertise rather than simply the models measurements, most feminist issues are diverted away. Watch the show, it will get you hooked and GO Elyse Sewell!! my choice for America's next top model.

Under the tutelage of supermodel and chat show host Tyra Banks, a group of young hopefuls are pulled together to try and make it through a series of weeks to be offered a shot at their own modelling contract. Each week one girl will leave based on the opinion of the panel of judges and the results of their most recent modelling assignment. Of course there is also the ongoing risk of some bitchy infighting but really we're all here to try and learn how the fashion industry works.

You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in my last sentence and you would be correct in that observation because personally I find the professional fashion industry to be a vacuous waste of space whose only purpose to me seems to be to provide laughs at the clichés they embrace. And so it is with this show because really I don't know anyone who watches it in order to see the girls embrace their natural talent for modelling, no, we're pretty much all here to see and partake in just one series long bitching session. As a formula the series doesn't do much to discourage this view because it doesn't have a lot going on other than this. The modelling shoots are fairly boring affairs on their own terms and it is hard to care about a "look" that nobody can really define.

Of course this is part of the problem. Because so much of it is "indefinable" it pretty much makes whatever the judges say right or wrong, depending on how much you buy into them as experts. So they say things like "they hate that look" or they "love that look" but really it is hard to see what they are seeing and none of them bother to really explain their reasons. Of course this plays into their hands because generally the judges are fairly worthless fashion divas who are there to stir things up a bit and don't have much of value to say. The girls themselves are fairly interesting but not in a good way – they are mainly basket cases swarming to an industry that eats up young girls and spits them out. Some of them are nice and don't last long, others are bitchy and last longer – presumably because the judges know that they need the ratings more than they need to actually produce a top model. They are mostly all good looking in various different ways but there are few I would want to spend much in the way of time with.

Overall then this is a fairly pointless and vacuous show but then I suppose that is the point. With a "talent" that is so less tangible than singing or dancing, the comments of the judges and the individual performances of the contestants become less important than the bitchy histrionics between the contestants and with the tutors & judges. On this level it is amusing and distracting but never "good" television although it is worth a look if you are looking to veg in front of reality television and have no demands for anything that could be considered "good" on a tradition scale.

America's Next Top Model is reality television without pretensions. Or, rather, it's a reality television show with pretensions that are so obvious, they're impossible to hide. It's a show about being shallow, daring, energetic, humble, and, of course, absolutely gorgeous. Led by Tyra Banks and a variety of photographers, stylists, acting coaches, directors, designers, and EX-ex-models, ANTM will go to all kinds of lengths to grab your attention.

From four blonde beauties doing a high-fashion shoot in Venice to soap-opera style acting classes with Taye Diggs, to old-fashioned nudity and sex (on- and off-camera), every season, every episode, will grab your attention. It's not quality television, but it's fun and addictive and all over the place. Don't invest money in the original series of Bankable Productions, but if you've got a free minute, check it out on VH1. They might have a marathon on. And - who knows? It might be that episode with the wet t-shirt pillow fight.

Alright, anyone with a brain could tell that this show is a little unfair. Who is picked and who is sent home is so contrived; everyone can see straight through it. It really is too bad a lot of them are in denial. Anyway, let's go through a typical season, or cycle, I should say, because Tyra has to be menstrual.(I stole that from someone funny.) The first episode generally starts a clip show with a Tyra-logue about modeling. How far she made me, how she struggled, how she is(or was, depending on who you favor) #1. Then we go through 30-something young girls who get flown in to some city for an in-person interview of sorts so Tyra can get a glimpse of their TV personalities and hear sob stories. The Tyra makes a series of cuts to get down to the top 10, 12, 13, or 14 contestants.

Almost all the episodes after that generally go like this: we open with the b*tches, I mean "aspiring models" in Tyra's ego-house. There's fighting, there's laughing, there's the focus(usually) on the girl who is going to be ceremoniously sacked by the end of the episode.

The girl's are then sent to a few things, sometimes in a different order. The first is usually some sort of contest to depict who can do the best at something stupid. Blah, blah, blah. Then comes the photo shoot. The photo shoots are generally the second best thing in the show, second only to the pictures that are shown during panel.

Of course, there are usually some episodes throughout the season/cycle that break the robotedness. The first is always the make-over episode, generally 3 or 4 episodes in. Everyone gets a dramatically awesome hair make-over(or not, in a lot of cases) and there's always some menstrual case whining(except for cycle 8, where when no one whined enough, they had to take out Jael's cute extensions just to really irritate).

And then there's the episode where the girls do an acting session and star in a commercial or something of the like. And sometimes we get a clip show where no one is eliminated and nothing is all that interesting. And of course, there's always the episode where the girls get sent to a foreign fashion capitol(and apparently, any big city in the world is a fashion capitol to Ty-Ty) and someone gets sent home without being there for 24 hours.

Then the final episode shakes it up a bit. Because there are only 3 contestants left, we must suffer two eliminations where Tyra reminds us what the winner gets. And it's always the same thing. A modeling contract and a magazine spread(It was with "Elle Magazine" the first few cycles, but I think when they realized this show didn't turn out any actual TOP models TyTy's winner's got dropped to "Seventeen Magazine".) So yeah, they usually do a CoverGirl shoot to pick the final two and then do a fashion show... before evaluating both finalists and usually picking (in my opinion except for Cycles 1 and 7) the worst of the duo.

In all honesty, this show doesn't really turn out what you could call Big Winners, but it's entertaining when you need a guilty pleasure amount of trash in your week. Enjoy.

Oh, how I miss the days of Nigel, Mr. Jay, and Miss Jay! I respected the opinions and judgments of those guys. These days, it seems that the show is less about fashion and more about fads. And I'm sorry, but I find Kelly Cutrone a frumpy, grumpy, lump, while Johnny Wujek just needs to take off those stupid hats and dress like a grown-up! I am willing to live with the in-house dramas (and flirtations, in this season) because I find the fashion shoots interesting; I'm not sure I'm willing to put up with the social media hype and the unimpressive "experts" on top of that. This will be my last season of being an ANTM fan—unless most of the cast is fired and the old crew brought back.