Funky Monkey

This is the story of two guys who found a copy of 'Funky Monkey.' Finding this seemed odd at the time figuring that there are still posters for the movie at the local Cineplex Odeon. After seeing such classics as 'Every Which Way But Loose' and 'Project X,' these two guys figured movies with monkeys are awesome.

These guys were in for a long ride as they watched this movie. There was some monkey that was replaced by a Stunt MAN when action sequences were required. It was apparent that the monkey wasn't trained in the school of Shakespearean acting. Perhaps replacing the monkey with Ben Affleck might have helped the guys thought.

Maybe a strong sidekick would help like a Jackie Chan or heck maybe even Hulk Hogan. Luckily this movie had amazing martial artist and Jet Li look-a-like Matthew Modine. While some might argue that Matthew Modine doesn't come close to Jet Li, camera tricks prove that he is every bit as good. When it becomes obvious that an untrained chimp can't handle the movie, the movie leans on Matthew Modine to be the real star.

Did I mention that there is some dorky kid that develops a bond with Modine and the monkey? Is there a possibility that the kid learns confidence and even picks up a girl in this movie? Even Matthew Modine should get jealous with this one (because using the pick-up line 'I'm second fiddle to a monkey' doesn't seem to work with the ladies.)

Shortly after watching this movie the two guys got a phone call from Matthew Modine telling them 'Seven days.'

Funky Monkey is bae. Never in my life have i seen such a beautiful monke. I want to marry funky monke

Me and my kids love this movie. We watch it every time I have custody. The monkeys great. The acting superb. And WHEW the sec appeal!!! My little kiddos want t be just like the main character when they grow up. They're always screeching and biting all the neighbors :). If you're not okay with a bit of gore and adult themes, this movie may not be for you. I don't want to give any spoilers, but the meat grinder scene did give little Olivia nightmares for weeks.... But overall, GREAT movie. WOULD recommend if you're looking to instill some good communist values in your youngins.

I am a student of film, and have been for several years. And the concept of a cyber, kung-fu, satirical chimpanzee had me wondering, "Is this the film that's going to break the mold?" Let's face it, America has never been let down by any piece of cinema that features a simian costar. After such great classics as "Monkey Trouble" and "Dunston Checks In", I thought that the best ideas were already taken. But then comes "Funky Monkey". I laughed, I cried, I contemplated suicide.

Now I've read about demon possession in the Bible, but that still doesn't explain why someone would create such a product of evil. First off, having at least a shred of intelligence, I realized that a chimpanzee was in fact an ape, not a monkey at all. However, I was sure that the filmmakers would clear this problem up further into the film. They didn't. Let me sum up this work of art: A company by the name of Z.I.T. has decided to train chimpanzees as soldiers. Why? I think they mention something about the soldiers working for bananas, but when it would cost about an estimated 13 million dollars of government money to train one chimp, this doesn't seem cost-effective. Well anyways, Z.I.T. brings in a CIA specialist (Matthew Modine) to train Clemens (The Chimp). Clemens is everything Z.I.T. hoped for. He can take out an entire shift of guards, who all appear to have gotten their training skills at the local mall, and yet still manage to remind us that we're watching a kid's movie. As you may have guessed, Modine finds out that Z.I.T.'s intentions may be evil (Gasp!) and decides to break Clemens out. Being a CIA agent and all, Modine knows that best way to make himself disappear is to go to a large city, rent a guest room, regularly make appearances on television while fighting crime, and using checks to pay for everything.

Z.I.T. finds out where Modine is staying, and sends two of their finest to retrieve him. These guards are possibly the greatest comedy team up since Martin and Lewis, or was it Turner and Hooch? It doesn't matter anyways, because in the end, for a heck of a twist ending, the good guys win!!! Yay! Hooray for predictability! Throw in a nerdy kid who learns to be himself, a lonely mom who needs a date, and music montages that feature songs that would even be blackballed by Radio Disney and you get "Funky Monkey". The climax to the movie? A football game! Played by thugs, bumblers, a chimp, and the nerd boy. No one seems to care about such substitutions at a high school football game.

Funky Monkey never lets up! It's edge of your seat entertainment. Some might even call this the "American Beauty" of monkey-filled features. After finishing this epic, I recalled hearing a story about a railroad worker who lost much of his brain functions when a metal rod pierced his temporal lobe. Funky Monkey is a metal rod among movies.

If you look at my profile, you will know that I am a HUGE fan of chimpanzee movies. I was literally raised on Lancelot Link, and I have been a massive fan of beloved classics like "Ed" and "Bedtime for Bonzo", so much so that I even pursued a career working with chimps. This is why that when I heard about this film, I was so excited for its release. However, upon seeing it, I was not only disappointed but disgusted. I will not exaggerate one bit when I say that I truly despise this film. I actually pity the poor producer of this film for having to see this showcased. This film is so horrifically terrible that it has led to my hospitalization three times, once for a brain aneurysm, and twice for attempting to jump off of a bridge over the highway, leading to my current routine of court-mandated weekly therapy sessions. When I first saw this film, I was filled with nothing but pure rage, pure malice, pure hatred, so much so that I began unconsciously punching the brick wall in the alley behind the theatre until my hand bled and I had a hairline fracture in my wrist from the stress of my fist hitting the wall at full force repeatedly. If I was put in a room with a firearm and two bullets, and I was with Josef Stalin and the director of this film, I would shoot Stalin twice, simply so I could beat the director to death with my bare fists. This film is revolting to me. It truly disgusts me. It makes me want to vomit out my entrails all over the floor, just to end the suffering of viewing this film. I rewatched "Full Metal Jacket" the other day, one of my all-time favorite movies. But as soon as I saw the beginning scene, I could see nothing besides Mathew Modine and was reminded of his participation in "Funky Monkey", which caused me to repeatedly bash my head against the wall until restrained by my friends. This film is a skid mark on the formerly flawless slab that was chimpanzee films. I hate it. I hate it with a burning passion. Even writing this review has resulted in such feelings of malice that I have shattered my coffee mug in my hand. The main character of the movie isn't even a monkey. It's called "Funky Monkey". The main character is a chimp. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Why was this infernal film ever created? What unholy entity created the idea of this film, because I know a human is incapable of such evil, and I hope with all of my soul that our God is not so malicious as to create this film out of spite for humanity. This film is the embodiment of true suffering, of true pain, of true horror. The anger that this film has created for me has no words, and cannot be expressed through words. The only way of describing my feelings towards this film is pure and utter hatred. I truly hate this movie, in every sense of the word.