Comando Pitón

Fugitive ex-baseball star and his Russian bride find themselves the unwitting pawns in a CIA-led mission to recover a giant, highly agile python that has been unintentionally released from its cargo hold by Chetynan rebels, and is now on the prowl at a Soviet military base.

Generally, the acting is either very pedestrian, or totally over the top, with stereotypical characterisations of mobsters, mercenaries and military types, all of whom attempt to exude too much sentiment for the depth of their characters. The film largely takes place on a military base, in which, a supposedly crack team of commandos hunts down and attempts to capture the giant reptile, with catastrophic results for most concerned. It's formula 'catch and kill' stuff, and plays out like a video game. Only Zabka's mildly tongue-in-cheek performance offers any hint of talent, his presence the fragile pedigree to "Python", although despite, ostensibly, playing the same character, the persona are vastly different. Mackinnon's accent is painfully erratic, with an obvious Australian drawl surfacing in moments of despair, while perennial Russian-mafia typecast Binev, is becoming something of a staple in these types of movies, making a virtual 'guest' appearance as a Russian-esque mobster.

The title reptile is even less convincing than in "Python", the CGI effects so blurry and poorly scaled, that the occasional interaction with a cast member is laughably absurd. Corny sets and cheap-looking outdoor staging is soon surpassed as the film takes up permanent residence on a fictitious military base, thus descending into a cat and mouse game with the snake, while stealth fighters prepare to raze the facility, to silence all witnesses. In spite of the competing threats, there's little, if any suspense, and a poorly executed climax that looks anything but the feared demolition that was to have taken place, to 'neutralise the situation', or 'go black' in the apparent CIA-speak oft employed throughout the picture by Zabka.

Overall, if you like big snake movies, then you may be moderately satisfied with this basic offering; on the other hand, if you're more discerning, say, "Anaconda" rather than "Python", then you're unlikely to find it here.

I was puzzled by the credits being mostly Russian names. Then I realized this was a movie set in Russia that actually WAS shot in Russia!

So I say, cut it some slack. A stray thought-- the actors playing soldiers in the film probably WERE former members of the Red Army! They certainly had the moves. And the CGI serpents are pretty dang good! I was impressed by a couple of sequences. In one, the snake's underside reflects the light of the flamethrower being used (ineffectually) against it. The other nicely-done sequence is lifted from Gandalf's "death" in LotR: TFotR, with a serpent playing the Balrog role.

But far from being a good film. The snakes (there's two this time)look better this time and they put a little more effort into it. Now the snake is being transported in a titanium container (except how could a sixty-foot snake be crammed into that tiny thing? Probably the best graphics of the movie is when they're hunting the big snake and they paralyze it with an electric gun and it falls down in slow motion while howling loudly. That part was actually a pretty decent shot for a movie like this. But the rest of it was kind of cheesy. Oh, and why would you stick a pistol that's set to fire in your back pocket? That's just suicide. That'd be of great help if you're running from those big snakes and get shot down your leg. Oh, and the character who had that gun in her back pocket, she wasn't even able to see a man standing five feet away from her, yet she's doing a rather good job of finding her way around. So much for being nearly blind. Overall, it's a lot better than the first one, but still not a movie I'd want to watch very often.

Python (2000)

BOMB (out of 4)

Robert England plays a mad scientist who created a huge python that spits acid. I'm terrified of snakes, which means I usually have a good time being scared with snake movies but this one here was downright awful and ranks as one of the worst films I've seen the past twenty years. The acting is atrocious, the screenplay laughable and the special effects are terrible looking.

Python 2 (2002)

BOMB (out of 4)

The American government brings home an eight-five foot snake, which eventually escapes and starts eating people. This is another horrid, direct to video horror movie but it's slightly better than the first film since this one here runs ten minutes shorter. Is that any kind of recommendation?

Well, when you sit down to watch a movie such as the 2002 movie "Python 2", then you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. And director Lee McConnell and writer Jeff Rank delivers exactly what you'd expect - a campy and goofy creature feature with questionable effects.

The storyline is generic, even by creature feature standards. So don't get your hopes up for a slice of cinematic masterwork here in "Python 2". The storyline is straightforward, for sure, but it is predictable to the core.

As for the special effects, well I will say that the effects worked well enough to their purpose. Now, it wasn't particularly impressive effects, and some was even downright laughable. But hey, this is a creature feature, so a relatively crappy special effects and CGI display is to be expected.

I am a sucker for creature features, though I know that I am 95% likely to be in for a less than mediocre movie experience whenever I sit down to watch such a movie. And that was also the case with "Python 2". So at least I wasn't disappointed.

The python itself, well in concept it was interesting. However, in translation to the screen, some of the appeal died due to questionable special effects. And the sounds they opted for the snake was just downright ludicrous. It made absolutely no sense that snakes can growl, snarl and such. It just added such a goofy level to the movie, and it was dragging the movie down. Snakes are silent killers, with occasional hissing. It is not rocket science!

It was actually nice to see the likes of William Zabka and Dana Ashbrook in a movie such as this, and they were actually the reason why the movie managed to stay afloat and be watchable.

If you enjoy the usual goofy and campy creature features, then chances are you will mildly enjoy "Python 2". However, I doubt that this movie will ever return to my media player for a second viewing ever.