Onda alien

'Bad Channels' is one of the worst SF/horror movies ever made. It's so boring and unfunny that you could almost think it was directed by Ted V. Mikels of 'Blood Orgy Of The She-Devils' fame. In fact it was directed by Ted Nicolaou who previously made the useless 'TerrorVision'. Now that was one lame so-called comedy, but this one is even worse. Getting through to the very end was a real chore even with the fast forward on the remote in constant use. The other guy responsible for this crud is Jackson Barr who also scripted 'Trancers 2' (a.k.a. 'Future Cop 2'). Now that wasn't the greatest movie ever made but at least it was entertaining. I don't know what went wrong here but it's really one to miss. Even a soundtrack by Seventies Rock Gods Blue Oyster Cult and some allegedly "clever" parodies of music videos (a generic 80s hair band, a grunge thing, and a sorta Mr. Bungle/Primus one) can't save this utter waste of time. Paul Hipp (an Abel Ferrara semi-regular) leads a mediocre cast, which includes former MTV Veejay Martha Quinn and various other nonentities, in a ridiculous tale of aliens taking over a radio station with the plan of capturing Earth women, shrinking them and placing them in bottles. Why are they doing this? Who knows. Who cares. There is ONE, count 'em, ONE laugh in this whole movie and that is a cameo by b-grade legend Tim Thomerson, and that doesn't even happen until AFTER the final credits. This movie stinks on ice. Avoid at all costs!

This was a film that I checked out back when I was a kid. I was a big fan of Full Moon films and there was something about the case of this one that intrigued me. I also think I saw a trailer on one of the other films from this company so I had my parents rent it for me. The synopsis is an alien determined to capture human females takes over a radio station to do it.

We kick of with the establishing the story of this film. We see something is going on at a substation and Willis (Robert Factor) shows up to check on it. There are some strange lights and a bright light hits him.

It shifts to a radio station. What makes it special is that on the AM dial, it has the call code of 66.6 and the only one in the country. The owner, Vernon Locknut (Aaron Lustig) has installed a super powerful converter so the station can broadcast all across the country. They brought in suspended DJ, Dan O'Dare (Paul Hipp), to be the voice of the channel. It is a former polka station, so he is playing it until someone can guess the combination on the padlock of chains. Covering the event is Lisa Cummings (Martha Quinn) and she is in contact with the head news reporter, Flip Humble (Roumel Reaux).

We get introduced to some people around the town of Poota, where the station is located. The local truck stop owner calls in. His name is Peanut (Sonny Carl Davis). He has a cute employee Cookie (Charlie Spradling) working for him. A local band high school member, Bunny (Daryl Strauss), also calls in. We also see a nurse at the local hospital is listening, Ginger (Melissa Behr). None of them win and it is Flip who wins the car, much to the anger of Lisa knowing that it was rigged. She threatens to pull the plug on their interview. She loses interest in it completely when she sees strange lights of what she thinks are a UFO. She tries telling Sheriff Hickman (Victor Rogers), but Dan doesn't back her up. She goes to the hospital to check on Willis, who has fungus growing on him, knowing there's a bigger story.

Things change though when an alien and its robot take over the station. They broadcast music that make the local women go into a music video before shrinking them down into tiny bottles. They have four containers. Can they be stopped before all of them are filled and they leave our planet?

Now I will admit, I have some nostalgia for this film. I can see that it isn't great, but there is something about it I like. The director is Ted Nicolaou, who I also know from the Subspecies series. I have to admit that this is a lower budget, but it has some good elements. It really feels like an updated version of the 1950's films of aliens coming to Earth to take women back to their planet. We never learn the reason why, but that's who they're targeting. Something else that I found interesting is that Lisa is played by Quinn, who at the time was a VJ for MTV. Going even farther, there are three unknown bands that kind of have music videos that associate with the places the women are taken from. It feels like Full Moon was hoping one of these bands would take off so the film could get more notoriety to be popular. Going from this, they had an aging Blue Öyster Cult do the music for the film as well.

I will admit as well. There are some cheesy things that happen that made me cringe. Being the type of film this is and being a comedy to boot, I have to forgive it. How the aliens are defeated in the end is funny. It is also not that different from War of the Worlds, just kind of in reverse. That is fitting for the type of film for sure.

The pacing of the film is good in my opinion. It doesn't waste any time introducing us to the story and to all the characters involved. The film has a running time of 88 minutes and there really is no filler. I'm glad the film isn't longer and that they didn't introduce any more subplots. I think for a film like this, it doesn't need them. It knows exactly what it is and going for, which makes it perfect how it plays out.

If you can't tell from some of things, the acting isn't great. Quinn I thought was fine in her role, but she doesn't do anything that really stands out. She does seem like a reporter who is given puff pieces, but really wants to make it. Hipp I thought was solid as DJ and does seem like a Howard Stern who got in trouble. I thought the three girls were attractive and fit their roles well. The rest of the cast round out the film for what was needed and add to the comedy as well.

Along with this, the effects were great, but this goes back to staying with the 1950's sci-fi films it is kind of mocking. I thought the space suit of the alien was kind of funny looking, but I didn't mind it. The robot was something from Mystery Science Theater 3000, but it is again fitting. Seeing the creature looked like inside the suit I didn't mind. I will say the fungus used in the film was bad. I did let it slide though. This was all done practically so I give it credit for that. The film was shot fine in my opinion as well.

I couldn't get through this without talking about the soundtrack of the film. I didn't really care for the first two bands that play or the music videos for them. I did think it was a good touch to show us what they are seeing and the showing what is really happening. I do have to say, I loved the final song with Sykotik Sinfoney. It is a song I still listen to regularly called Manic Depresso. It isn't great, but there's something about it. The rest of the score fit for what was needed.

Now with that said, I have to go back to saying this isn't a good film. I enjoy it mostly for what they were going for with almost parodying the 1950's sci-fi/alien films. The other part of it for me is the nostalgia. I thought the premise of the film isn't bad and how it plays out is good. There isn't much filler and it paced well. It doesn't build a lot of tension, but it is more of a fun film. The acting is fine and the effects are about the same. I thought the score was fitting for the film, but I do have to admit, I love the final 'video' we get. Overall I know I'm coming in higher than most, but I find this to be above average and we even get a cameo during the end credits for the sequel to this as we get a cross-over for three films from Full Moon, Dollman and Demonic Toys.

Yes, of course the movie is campy, ridiculous, pointless and under budget. But it is a gem in the Early full moon vault. I love it! Own it and watch it from time to time. IT makes me chuckle. Much better than many of the Recent jokes Full Moon is releasing.....Hard to find...however, check Ebay....

6 out of 10

I like Full Moon films, they have a certain charm to them despite on the surface being seven shades of awful. If it weren't for Full Moon we wouldn't have had the Puppet Master franchise, Doll Man, Gingerdead Man, Evil Bong and countless others.

Bad Channels is supposedly part of the Puppet Master universe but I can confidently say I don't see the connection.

It tells the story of a "Shock Jock" who comes into contact with aliens intent on using his radio station equipment to kidnap women............somehow.

Not the most intriguing of plots and truth be told it's execution is even worse. It looks like a Full Moon film with the same plasticcy special effects and that's okay, the general quality of the film however isn't.

It's just so, bad! The characters, the script, the concept, it's like a weird artsy student film and I have to say I think this is likely the worst Full Moon movie sadly.

I'd suggest that anyone beyond the most hardcore Full Moon fan avoid this one, it isn't horror, it isn't comedy, it's just the absolute pits.

The Good:

Full Moon feel

The Bad:

Extended musical segments

Pretty much everything to be honest

This is by far, one of the silliest movies I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. I mean, it was so asinine I just *had* to rent it on three separate occasions to prove to different groups of friends that such a monstrosity could be made! It was released in 1992, but feels more like it was made in 1982!

The `hero' is the `bad boy' or radio, Dangerous Dan O'Dare. Dan treats his listeners to publicity stunt after publicity stunt, with the odd 80's glam rock song thrown in for good measure. An alien lands in what appears to a giant novelty light-up yo-yo and proceeds to take over the radio station which just happens to have a nation-wide broadcasting range on frequency 66.6.

The alien uses the radio signals and the sound of Dan's voice to target young women listening to the station, and capture them in little glass tubes. However, before the women are transported, they hallucinate that they're in music videos which take place in the locations they're at. There's nothing funnier than seeing some rockers straight out of the 80's appear in a diner and try to give a convincing performance.

Naturally, a movie of this calibre is full of holes. Dan figures out pretty early on that his voice was being used to target the women, but instead of shutting up, he goes on and on describing the aliens and telling people not to listen, which, of course, they ignore and keep on doing.

I laughed at the cliché small-town cop who must have been paid a set amount each time he discredited the alien's existence. The entire town he's patrolling says they saw an alien, and several of the women were reported having vanished into thin air. But this cop chalks it up to them all being drunk or something. Even when he sees the alien first hand he gives the `sarcastic cop' routine, and tells everyone to move along.

The `music videos' are all terrible, covering all sorts of the least favourable genres. Glam rockers invade the diner, a grunge band causes a ditzy cheerleader to seductively gyrate during band practice, and the crème de la crème, Psychotik Sinfony performs a clown metal piece in the hospital, causing a nun to mosh and play bass guitar.

Back in the operating room, the doctor is operating on a patient who earlier was infected by the alien fungus. When the nurse suddenly disappears, the patient bolts up in amazement. Which begs two questions; what kind of doctor lets his nurse listen to Dan O'Dare while he's performing delicate surgery, and why the hell didn't he use any anaesthetic on the patient!?

The climax is about the least exciting thing in the whole movie. Dan accidentally discovers that fungicide hurts the alien, and the radio station just happens to have a whole box of it! Dan frees the women by randomly playing with the alien's controls and the alien splits open revealing a weird Venus-flytrap-like monster within. Together, Dan and the women they stand around within arm's reach of the alien and spray it with fungicide in the least dramatic way possible. Dan tries to liven things up by shouting `die you rat ba**ard' a few times, but it has no effect.

The reason for the alien capturing the women is never explained, nor does anyone ever consider looking for the space ship that landed only about a mile away. If the radio station was broadcasting nation-wide, why were the only people being abducted from the surrounding town? And how did the alien infect the guy at the beginning before it had even landed?

I could go on for ages, but it'd simply be easier if you were to go out and rent it yourself. You'd at least expect the movie's description on the box sleeve to at least attempt to make it sound like a scary sci-fi horror feature, instead touts it as a `hilarious rock and roll adventure of sci-fi comedy'. You know something's wrong when even the box sleeve doesn't take it seriously.