Goyôkiba

In the first of a trilogy by famed Director of the "Lone Wolf and Cub" series, Kenji Misumi, Hanzo 'The Razor' Itami (Zatôichi himself, Shintarô Katsu) is an honorable Samurai. He will go after anyone corrupt, no matter how high up in society they are and isn't above rapeing women with his gigantic penis to get them to tell him what he needs to know (don't worry they all end up loving it and begging him not to stop). The training techniques to keep his penis in shape ALONE are worth the price of admission!! And with Hollywood currently being remake crazy, I glad to know that there are some films they wouldn't DARE touch. This film is greatness with it's extremely unPC humor. Plus it has an amazing kitsch '70's soundtrack. thats NEVER bad. The DVD available through HVE entertainment has at the 26 minutes and 13 seconds mark, about 25 seconds of missing audio and at 84 minutes and 15 seconds an uneven jump cut from a few missing frames. But they do mention that before the start of the movie. I'm just glad to have the Hanzo films on DVD at all. I wholeheartedly recommend this film, and the following two.

My Grade: B

DVD Extras: Merely Trailers for all 3 Hanzo the Razor films

Eye Candy: Both Yukiji Asaoka and Mari Atsumi show their heavy hangers, Mari bares her behind as well

Kenji Misumi directs Zatoichi himself (Shintarô Katsu) as the untouchable constable from Edo, Hanzo Itami. It is interesting to note that Kenji previously directed Shintaro in the Zatoichi series and followed it up by directing Shintaro's brother (Tomisaburo Wakayama) in the Lone Wolf & Cub series. This is the first in the Hanzo trilogy and is the only one directed by Kenji Misumi (each movie had a different director).

Hanzo has been a constable for 4 years but has not as yet taken the policeman's blood oath. He refuses to make such an oath because the police accept gifts from the daiyamo (lords), the brothels and tradesman for the purpose of mitigating punishment or the dismissal of offenses. Hanzo's duties (according to Hanzo) is not to protect the samurai and the rich, but is instead to protect the farmers and townsmen and to be allowed to perform his duties as peace keeper and enforcer of the law. This is the only thing that he will swear in blood to.

Hanzo is not your typical constable. He is well known in Edo. He is equal parts Dirty Harry, Robocop, and John Holmes. Hanzo's techniques are far from clean. His ends justify his means. As a constable he has to deal with the filth and unclean. Hanzo bears the scars of many torture sessions. During the sessions he reaches some sort of nirvana (past the pain) which helps him to effectively administer torture and to experience what those he tortures feel. It is also a cleansing technique for him (sometimes with unexpected results). He knows of many different type of cleansing techniques (a.k.a. torture) including :

1) kneeling on triangular wooden boards, tied to a pole and having his ex-criminals servants put giant stone slabs (5 to be exact) on top of his knees.

2) a hot bath followed by the pouring of hot water over his penis. Then the banging of his penis with a stick into a wooden board (he has done this so many times the stool has a "large" form indented in it). Finally he has sex with a straw bag full off rice while 70's sex music is playing in the background.

When Kanbei the Killer escapes, Hanzo is hot on his trail. This trail leads to places Hanzo did not expect (i.e. - Omino the magical woman with a Brazilian wax job). He gets this info by using his special torture techniques (in this movie he only tortures women). There are several techniques he uses and they both involve having sex with a bound woman. One confession was obtained in a hot tub with sake (Austin Powers style) and the other in a vertical cargo net dreidel-style.

This movie is typical of the chambara style (dramatic samurai movie set in the Edo period). Typical elements include sword fight sequences in which one man fights many opponents, yet never more than one at a time. It is like the checkout line at Duane Reade. Death sequences are often stylize and includes the vertical gushing of blood, graphic death and dismemberments (in this movie Hanzo uses spiked iron knuckles to burst eyes and concrete slabs), the use of makeup for the hero and crazy haircuts for the villains. The movie does reflect the era it was filmed in. From the walking montage and the "hero" theme music to Hanzo's side burns, this movie is crawling with 70's nostalgia.

The story and action is very straight forward. The S&M elements and Hanzo himself is what stands this movie apart from others of this style. Zatoichi is a blind masseuse with excellent sword skills. Lone Wolf was the Shogun's executioner and travels with his infant son in a carriage. Hanzo relies on his "training", "persuasive" technique with women and an unwavering sense of duty. I highly recommend this movie for fans of chambara and action fans in general.

-Celluloid Rehab

Part Zatoichi, part Dirty Harry and part Dirk Diggler, Hanzo 'The Razor' Itami (Shintarô Katsu) is an incorruptible Edo-period lawman, highly skilled in the martial arts, and a big hit with the ladies, who are more than happy to tell him everything after receiving a thorough pounding from his over-sized trouser truncheon. In fact, Hanzo is so bad-ass, that he regularly tests his endurance to the limits, suffering extreme pain during prolonged bouts of self-inflicted torture, and dousing his massive member in hot water before bashing it with a stick and ramming it repeatedly into a bag of rice.

After apprehending a small-time criminal (by crushing his nose into a bloody pulp), Hanzo learns that a contract killer named Kanbei has somehow escaped from the island to which he was banished. As he follows a trail of deceit and corruption that leads all the way to the Inner Castle, home to some of the region's most powerful people, Hanzo upsets a few officials, inflicts major damage on those crazy enough to take him on in a fight, and interrogates a few lovely ladies in his own inimitable style.

Although I admittedly lost track of proceedings from time to time (over complicated plot or stupid viewer—you decide), the cool 70s trappings (surreal visuals, split screen, funky soundtrack etc), inventive soft-core coupling, incredibly bloody action (including ruptured eyeballs and assorted nasty wounds spurting geysers of blood), twisted humour, and general craziness ensured that Hanzo was a consistently entertaining piece of exploitation from start to finish.

Samurai Shaft. Someone else grabbed that before I could, but the music in this film is unmistakable. Its as if Isaac Hayes himself scored the film.

The Samurai is a policeman, and has more in his bag of tricks that the usual Samurai swords. In fact, even when he is completely naked, he still has a formidable weapon to use in his unusual interrogations.

It doesn't just hang there either. He actually works it out. He beats it with a stick and rams it into what looks like a bag of pebbles to strengthen it. You just have to see it.

Of course, this wouldn't work if he had to interrogate males, so there are plenty of females that need to feel the long arm of the law. When he gets going, they will say anything to keep him from stopping.

Samurai exploitation? It appears that way. This is one Japanese film that will not be remade by Hollywood. I can't wait for Part 2.

Great 70's samurai film. What separates it from other classics of the same era, like the Lone Wolf and Cub and Sleepy Eyes of Death series, is its decidedly tawdry sexual aspects- Hanzo's mammoth penis aka-"The Long Arm of the Law", and his 'interrogation' of female suspects. In essence it is one part samurai film, one part rouge cop/Dirty Harry flick, and one part soft core porno.

A bit slow in the action department, with a few brief sequences. The film mainly takes focus on Hanzo dealing with the ladies, as well as, the corrupt officials that try to undermine him. If you want action every five minutes, go elsewhere. If you want a super groovy soundtrack, look no further. Definitely hard to forget.