The Nasty Rabbit

A few of us over the age of thirty five remember an Eighties spy spoof from the makers of Flying High. In Top Secret, a pre-obnoxious Val Kilmer stars as a pretty boy Sixties rock singer who heads behind the Iron Curtain, and engages in some espionage silliness mixed with fake Beach Boys tracks. Now, if Nasty Rabbit from 1964 wasn't its direct inspiration, I'll eat my fake fur hat.

It's another film from Fairway International, a next-to-no budget production outfit set up to promote would-be rocker and matinée idol Arch Hall Jr. In fact Nasty Rabbit, or Spies-A-Go-Go (its original title, still visible on a road sign during the opening credits) is more of a shameless vanity vehicle to showcase the fading though still ham-flavored properties of arch-auteur Arch Hall SENIOR as producer "Nicholas Merriweather", co-writer, and in not one but TWO roles as American government man Dr McKinley and a Russian submarine commander, who sounds like he found his accent in the bottom of a vodka bottle. He dispatches the painfully lovable Mishkin aka Agent X-11 to let loose a little white rabbit with a vial of bacteria around its furry neck to let loose on the Free World. With the bunny disguised as a camera box, he goes undercover on the Killdeer Dude Ranch, perched on the edge of the Continental Divide where the bunny can do the most damage. And, as cowboy "Laughing Moose O'Brien" (see how sophisticated the humor gets?), he believes he has the stupid decadent Americans fooled. Jackie Gavin, the Killdeer ranch owner's daughter, says to Mishkin "You're the first cowboy I ever saw who drinks vodka!" "Oh…" he replies, "Because I'm half-breed Indian." Hmmmm… Let's consider the racial implications of that comment for a moment! At this point Arch Hall Jr rides in on a white charger (read: chopper) as "dreamy" recording star and secret agent Brett Hunter to play a gig with his combo The Archers at the Killdeer Ranch whilst keeping an eye on the damned Russkies. Of course it's no Fairway picture without Arch-Baby, who tears through a musical number or two to a presumably bribed audience of admirers. But for once he plays more like fifth or sixth banana to a gaggle of fast-aging Vaude-Villains out-mugging each other as an international smörgåsbord of agents and counter agents in on the bunny caper. There's Japanese Colonel Kobayashi, still in his WW2 threads, dwarfish Israeli agent Maxwell Schtump, Senor Gonzalez from South of de Border, Heinrich Kruger Former "nutty Nazi" – that old chestnut - now representing the West German team, and not to forget Chuckle the Wonder Dog. However it's the boxed bunny himself who gets the best lines of chipmunkish internal dialog courtesy of his Jewish speech writer.

Like every Fairway picture, it has a family ranch feel: The Sadist's James Landis is back in the director's seat, Eegah's Richard Kiel aka Jaws from The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker, plays a cowboy with gigantism, and the film looks fantastic thanks to Fairway's future Oscar-winning cameramen "William"/Vilmos Zsigmond and second unit "Leslie"/Lazslo Kovacs, but even they can't hide the boom mike shadows on the plywood walls. Real life Vegas showgirl, gangster's moll and perennial sex kitten Liz Renay plays Cecilia Solomon, love goddess in a halo of cigarette smoke, of no fixed allegiance other than the international community of Hopeless Romantics. As memorable as she is in Arch's final film Deadwood '76 and Ray Dennis Steckler's The Thrill Killers (both 1965) and John Waters' Desperate Living (1977), here she's plain painful, and over-enunciates each line like she's dictating the Kabbalah to a deaf monk.

It's as if Arch Sr saw It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World the previous year and tried to copy its "throw in a thousand jokes and a thousand cameos and one of them has to work" approach. Naturally it backfires on the Halls; whilst their earlier films are unintentionally hilarious, Nasty Rabbit has the exact opposite effect. Part of that idiotic pre-post-modern American idea of comedy, alternately described as "zany", "kooky", and a boatload of other obnoxious buzzwords, Nasty Rabbit's like an extended episode of Get Smart written by a small navy of sea monkeys, who moonlight as the creative team behind Laugh-In. Needless to say, I'd be checking those sea monkeys' credentials, if I wasn't shaking my head in disbelief over the sheer chutzpah of the 1964 spy-a-go-go saga Nasty Rabbit.

But those people haven't sat through this movie. I thought that "Hillbillies in a Haunted House" was the nadir of low-budget movies, but I'll be damned if Hollywood didn't dig itself a deeper hole with "Nasty Rabbit."

The plot is a bunch of idiocy (especially sad because it's supposed to be funny) involving a Soviet plot to infect the U.S. with a deadly plague via an infected rabbit. Of course, spies from many countries are involved, and every ethnic group (from both hemispheres) is demeaned and insulted. After about five minutes of this, you'll find yourself begging for Arch Hall, Jr., to stop and warble a few tunes.

By the end, if you make it that far, you'll be hoping that the rabbit completes its mission.

The films produced by Arch Hall Sr. and starring Arch Hall Jr. are overall an entertaining lot, considering the low budgets. They made a juvenile delinquent film (the Choppers), a horror comedy (Eegah), a rock and roll film in the Jailhouse Rock vein (Wild Guitar), a gritty crime film (the Sadist), and eventually a western (Deadwood '76), so it's not a surprise that they would make a slapstick comedy, and since this was made right after IT'S A MAD MAD MAD WORLD, I'm assuming the filmmakers saw this as in that vein, with a little rock and roll thrown in. Arch Jr. plays Britt Hunter, a rock and roll singing spy who is assigned to defeat a Russian agent who is carrying a rabbit that is carrying a vial of lethal bacteria...or something like that. A bunch of Keystone Cops-style international spies--played as broad ethnic stereotypes reminiscent of Jerry Lewis's "japanese" characters--are also after the rabbit and the Russian. If I saw this at a rural drive-in with a few kids in the car and maybe a beer or two in my system, I think it would work quite well as a film. I remember seeing this on TV as a kid and thinking it was as funny as, say, a typical Beverly Hillbillies episode. Arch Hall, a bit nervous on-screen in The Choppers, his first film, was relaxed and comfortable in front of the camera by this time, and he does a good job, looking good and acting cool. I don't know why this film is bashed so much-- I'd put it on the same shelf with the 1966 rock and roll spy parody OUT OF SIGHT, except that that film had a much bigger budget and was made by a big studio, Universal. The Nasty Rabbit is MEANT to be a ridiculous, exaggerated slapstick comedy played on such a broad level that children would enjoy it. The color photography is nice (and the Rhino VHS video is letter-boxed!), and considering the small budget that the Halls surely had to work with, they made an entertaining product. Where else can you see Arch Hall Sr. in a dual role--in fact, near the end of the film, he is playing in the same scene with himself!

Oh man, this film is a riot! Although not as well-known as other films in the Arch Hall Jr. canon, it's on a par with EEGAH and WILD GUITAR in terms of pure delirium. This wild fiasco concerns all these cartoonish-types who convene at a ranch for some espionage... all over a bunny rabbit which carries a plague that could wipe out the planet!

Director James Landis wisely doesn't take the material seriously. With candy colours, over-acting which would do Phil Tucker proud, undercranked chase scenes, and other gonzo touches, this is a wonderfully absurd delight. And because Arch Hall Jr. is in the cast, how can you not have a lot of great bad rock and roll too? The debonair Arch (cough) is not only a spy (in his trademark white dinner jacket), but he also is the frontman of a rock band that is just the living end for teenage girls everywhere. In fact, once the ranch owner's daughter learns that dreamboat Archie's band is going to show up, she flips... literally! And because it's an Arch Hall Jr. picture, his old man, Hall Sr., cannot help but give himself a showy role- a cameo mind you, but a pivotal one (thanks to Arch Hall Sr. the co-screenwriter).

Perhaps under Landis' direction, Arch Hall Jr. maybe made an effort to be an actor after all (which may explain why his final films, all directed by Landis, are obscure; they aren't BAD enough!). While he's no Olivier certainly, this and DEADWOOD 76 at least show the kid is trying, which is more than you can say about his snarly performances in THE CHOPPERS or EEGAH. Landis is truly an unsung B movie hero; he always made something out of nothing. (Check out his interesting little crime picture, STAKEOUT) But anyhow, if you're an Arch Hall fan (and how can you not be?), THE NASTY RABBIT is a must. It is a wonderful hallucination of bad cinema.

Rhino even released it on video... letterboxed! Now is that class or what?

Ouch, this was one of the most trying Fairway International experiences that I've had to endure. The movie never seemed to flow and I found a lot of reasons to hit the pause button to get a sandwich, read a book, vacuum, go for a quick run...

Why didn't it work? It was as if the weak storyline (thanks a lot William Waters!), a full color production, dude ranch, espionage, and a furry hare were put together in a blender and out came Nasty Rabbit. Much of the humor is forced and there's not even any unintentional humor to be found. There were too many scenes with the secondary characters who carry the film the way a 16 ton weight floats in the ocean (it doesn't). Add stereotypical caricatures including a Mexican bandito garbed in south of the border attire plus sombrero, a Japanese spy in WWII uniform, a German with the worst imitation of Colonel Clink...EVER. Throw in a Russian commander with the worst Russian accent ever attempted (thanks a heap Nicholas Merriwether) and you'll find yourself doing crossword puzzles or making crocheted doilies.

Perhaps if Nasty Rabbit focused more on Britt (Arch Hall Jr) and Jackie (Sharon Ryker), it would have been an improvement. I know I know, I'm asking for more Arch Hall Jr. Trust me, I've seen Eegah and I still think Cabbage Patch Elvis should've gotten more screen time here. More Arch Hall Jr songs (only one is played in the film) would've livened things up. I can't believe I said that, but this is the truth...and I've seen Wild Guitar and the Choppers. And bring back more Richard Kiel! He berates a pint sized calf rustler and then vanishes into film obscurity. Oh, and the Benny Hill chase scenes towards the end caused me spasmic terror to no end.

Still, the bunny credits signs were unique.