Alone in the Dark

The Legend of Harrow Woods (also called Evil Calls)

This is an artsy film with very little plot. It is also non-linear and I don't think making sense was important to the writer-director. So now you have more warning than I got when I picked up the DVD. The box lists some the actors who appear in it such as Rik Mayall, Norman Wisdom, Jason Donovan and Robin Askwith. It is true they are in the film but none of them are main characters except for perhaps Jason Donovan.

There are two stories being told throughout the film. One is the story of the Internetters - a bunch irritating spoilt brats who have this thing where they go to haunted places and investigate them on the birthday of one the club's members Gary (Jason Donovan) and Karl Richard Waters) run a website for the club. Gary has found out about a story of a family who have disappeared in Harrow Woods in New England ( yeah sure New England). The area has a legend that the area was cursed by a witch when they executed her there. So the Internetters are going to Harrows Woods with a bunch hand-held cameras to investigate, like a posh brat version of the Scooby Gang. The whole thing is getting streamed live on their website.

One of the group, Anna is psychic and she keep getting flashes of the family that disappeared. Through Anna's visions we learn more of that second story (and enjoy it more, leaving it each time with regret). George Carney, his wife Vivienne and their two kids go the woods with George's brother Vincent (Robin Askwith.).George thinks Vivienne and Vincent are having an affair and this fear is manifested in a series of identical interactions with three different toilet attendants. The first is Norman Wisdom looking very old and frail. The next one is Rik Mayall in full Alan B'stard mode and the third is a woman in a mask naked under her suit jacket in a toilet full of naked women wearing blindfolds.

This film really tried very hard to be weird with horrible images flashing by. The visions of the Carney family seems to be from a different film with a decent cast and a strong David Lynch vibe and its all shot on real film which has been processed to look old and decayed.

But this reasonably interesting film has been cut up and grafted into a badly acted shaky-cam Blair Witch copy. There only seems be two actors among the Internetters, Karl and Gary. The rest of them are very poor. They are also all very similar looking and a lot action is in the dark so its difficult to see what's going on. It did not help things when Eileen Daly appeared as another psychic called Victoria which giving the film a cheesy ham attack.

The 3D was one thing that seemed to work out. It was dark and often hallucinatory and in those scenes it worked out nicely.

I cannot recommend this film to anyone I know since I think they will all hate it . I didn't hate it but I don't imagine seeking it out to watch again. It has some female nudity and a small amount of gore (not counting the gallons of red liquid splashing about all over the place

Rating 5/10

Not even my ole mate Rik could save this one and yes the 1 star is just for him, god rest his soul. Too long, dull and nonsensical, a total disappointment and hours of my life I can never reclaim.

This is a film that should spark change. Real change in the world of film! It's one of those rare productions that cause a ripple and everyone get's together and says, YES we need change! - and that change is that we need to be able to give a film 0/10!!

You're probably wondering why I let my eyeballs suffer such awful torment for the duration but I am slightly masochistic and I wouldn't want to review a title unless it had been seen in it's (almost) entirety.

I'm not sure where to begin, but I would like to keep my review brief because I've already wasted enough time on this film. Firstly I watched the 3D version.. 3D??? it was barely 1D and the ridiculous glasses just made things look red, which gave me a headache. I must have fallen unconscious for the next hour because I don't remember anything.

The premise of the film is that a club of friends get together to try and work out strange goings on, (they're going for a cross between Scoobie Do and Most Haunted). One of the girls has a birthday and so they all argue a bit and decide to go to a spooky wood called Harrow. According to the computer hacker character, wikipedia states that a witch perished there and made the place haunted.

Then when we get there we find out that it's got a wooden hut and inside is very similar to the haunted hotel in the Shining, complete with blood tidal wave (made with lots of buckets of ketchup). The story doesn't really go anywhere at this point and instead the director starts acting and talking to Ric Mayal in tongues, which is kind of hard to understand because it's quite muffly.

Then it cuts back to the friends who are dead/dying because of the witch's curse. That's it. The End. 0/10

Before I begin I would just like to say that I am a massive fan of cult horrors, which I believed this had the potential to be.

I found this title and thought... "I bet it will be cool"....."eclectic cast and a decent enough synopsis"...."should be interesting" ..urmm.... Well..... I learned the hard way.

English people talking with an unconvincing American accent? A storyline which just about made sense, but only if you try real hard? And the acting? well it is the only situation in my life, that I am glad Jason Donovan was involved. Rik Mayall as ever did a Sterling job, but the rest of the cast were mediocre, at the very best!

I don't want to spoil the plot, but if I am honest, I struggled to find one. There is one there, but you need to really be on your toes to find it, you are certainly not gonna be smacked in the face with it!

The effects and camera work I did like, but that is what I was expecting, use of interesting camera shots and effects, not necessarily ground breaking stuff, but more than worthy of this style of film. It is just a shame that they were linked together so badly with such an appalling plot.

If you like films which don't make much sense, has dodgy acting with unconvincing accents, and the potential to be a great cult horror but just falls short of the mark, then this is for you ...

This is the worth film ever. No structure, poor acting, too dark, repetitive dialog. Just wasting time and an unclear plot. At the beginning, with the long winded techno intros, I should have stopped. I knew it was going to be bad, but I went on. Wasted time I will never get back. Take my word, really. I wish this film could be burned and forgotten. British actors who can't do good American accents. Expressions and intonations are British. Just a terrible POS.