Simon Sez

This reeked of a bomb, yet I had to watch it because Dennis Rodman movies always provide that so bad it's good theme going for them. This one was no exception: terrible acting, bad music, and an even worse plot are all repertory examples. This was the worst out of the 3 legitimate movies he was in ("Double Team" and "Cutaway" were slightly better because they either had better actors in it to somewhat make up for the loss or at least fairly suitable dialog). But in this the one-liners just fell flat and weren't even laughable for how bad they were. It's good I saw this so if by some chance there was another unfortunate such as myself that saw this as well we can ever so delightfully bash it together. Such a bad movie!

Final put-down:

Movies : NO! It was released straight to video anyways.

DVD Purchase : You've got to be kiddin' me.

Rental : If you say so.

The acting is amongst some of the worst I've seen in a while, especially from Dennis Rodman. What's that Dennis Rodman a bad actor? Yes! and as hard as it is to believe his 'hilarious' sidekick Nick is almost as bad! Not to mention annoying. I'm not just talking Jar-Jar Binks annoying here, he takes it to a whole new level!

The one redeeming feature about this movie is that some of the action seqences are quite well done. But good action scenes does not a good movie make.

If you like bad acting, bad dialouge and wasting your time then by all means watch this. You won't be dissapointed!

Get this: Dennis Rodman is an Interpol agent (ha!) living in the cellar of a French monestary with two monk buddies (one fat, one black) who try to battle an evil diabolical villain who plans to use some kind of computer chip thingy to arm a weapon so he can blow up the world (or whatever it is mad movie villains like to do).

This movie is SO LAME! I remember I was vacationing in Nags Head, North Carolina when Cinemax started airing ads for the film and presenting it as some kind of "great film." I thought it looked like total garbage but I watched it anyway, just to laugh at Dennis Rodman.

Good god, it's bad. Is it EVER bad! It's got that distinct crazy directorial style all bad movies of today have - you know, everything's all crazy and over-the-top, ranging from coloring of sets and characters to plots to dialogue to action sequences.

Some of this seems fairly reminiscent of that similarly awful Rodman movie named "Double Team," which co-starred Jean-Claude Van Damme (ha!) and Mickey Rourke (poor Mickey). But any movie with Rourke is at least tolerable...this is not tolerable in the least.

Rodman gets my vote for being one of the worst actors of all time and this movie certainly fits his talents.

I had the opportunity to watch this on cable. And man, it is bad.

The most laughable must be the camera work. It manages to be the second worst camera work I've ever seen in my life (the worst being in "Venni, vidi e m'arrapaho", a film that I believe to be from the screwiest corners of hell itself). As soon as the movie had some action -- say, somebody jumped on a chair -- the cameramen went frantic. I kept vomiting during the car chase scenes, and that's pretty bad if you consider that they were driving at 10 mph with a bored frown on their faces.

Then ugh... the acting. Not one performance even came close to being decent. The script... was there even a script? It looked like there was no story and they came up with (bad) ideas while shooting. And some scenes were so idiotic I wonder how a sane brain would came up with them. I mean, at one point Nick, the "good friend" of Simon Sez, has a gun in his hand, and loses it because he is making fun of the "bad girl" by playing a tyrannosaur. This is the kind of comedy that you don't laugh at because it's funny, you laugh at it because it's so unredeemable and idiotic you literally can't believe it. By the way, him being a tyrannosaur was as believable as Rodman being an ex-CIA agent. Hell, they even managed to make the French Coast look somewhat small and crappy!

Oh well... 1/10

If you're a fan of low-budget action movies such as the works of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, this may be just the film for you. This is the kind of film where you don't laugh at the jokes because they are funny, you laugh at them because they are pathetic attempts to be funny. Instead of interestingly following the plot, you sit back and laugh at the stupidity of it. Also, naturally, amazingly bad acting attempts of Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook and Emma Sjöberg make this movie the complete garbage that it is.

But all this is also why you would want to see this film. I was never bored while watching this film, believe it or not this film is actually packed with action sequences. The director probably realized that neither the "acting" or the "plot" would make this movie enjoyable, even for even one second. And while the action is not well done by any means, it atleast keeps you awake and steals some of your time.