In den Krallen der Venus

I saw this film on late night TV as a youth and thought it was the coolest movie I had ever seen. Of course at that time, the coolest movie I'd ever seen was usually the most recent one. But there was something eerie and scary and exciting and fun about QOOS...... the hideous queen with her mask, the statuesque women of Venus, the death ray, the giant spider-beasts..and Zsa Zsa.

Of course, now I see the film for the campy delight it is and was intended. It's so-bad-it's-good and I own a copy of it and watch it when I need a laugh. The lines from the wolfish astronaut is so brutally oafish that I can't believe it was delivered with a straight face.

When one starts watching this movie, one gets a feeling that this might be a fairly serious, good sci-fi film...then the rocket lands on Venus, and all credibility simply vanishes. First, we all know that Venus is shrouded in poisonous clouds and has a surface temperature that will melt lead, right??? Well, in this movie, Venus looks like a discount store with lots of potted tropical plants strewn around, and the intrepid astronauts never even break a sweat. The astronauts are then captured by a patrol of women in high heels (who also shout "Bagino!" over and over), and the familiar "men-encountering-love-starved-female-civilization" plot begins.

The movie does have some interesting twists: The deadly "Beta Disintegrator" with which the evil queen is planning to destroy earth; the queen's advanced acne-like skin condition; gloriously saturated color photography; Paul Birch as the bookish scientist who is uninterested in the nubile Venusian women; and of course Zsa Zsa Gabor, who gives an interesting performance as the Chief Scientist on Venus (!).

This movie is outrageously male-chauvinistic (even for the 50s) and has some of the dumbest dialogue in the cosmos. For those reasons--and to see Gabor in her most ridiculous role--you should watch this. However, I doubt that you'll want to watch it more than once.

"Queen of Outer Space" has been unkindly described as a deliberate parody of sci-fi cliches, but the director wasn't in on the joke.

Fans have been debating for years just what the intentions of Ben Hecht and Charles Beaumont were in penning this much-reviled space adventure. Surely both writers were capable of much better work. Surely Zsa Zsa Gabor as a Venusian space maiden was a piece of casting nobody expected to be taken seriously. Surely director Edward Bernds must have known the score. This is the man who directed the Three Stooges. He knows a joke when he sees it! Yet, in interviews, Bernds insists that the film was intended to be taken straight.

Even a casual examination of the finished product makes this hard to believe. The first half of the film seems to be skewering the stereotypical male/female relationships found in pulp sci-fi cinema of the day. But after the captain rebuffs the evil queen's advances and the plot turns to action, the film starts taking itself seriously and its sense of goofy fun dissipates quickly.

But, in fairness to Bernds: if he wasn't in on the joke, neither were any of his cast, who perform with earnest sincerity throughout.

Although the film was made by Allied Artists (Monogram after their name change), some expense seems to have been spent on it: it's in color & Cinemascope and the sets, although gaudily and colorfully fake, are extensive. Perhaps most tellingly, AA released it as a single feature, clearly a sign of confidence (or misplaced optimism) in those days where double-features were standard for B-films.

In hindsight, the question of deliberate parody may never be answered. Because of the film's reputation, those involved in the production were undoubtedly anxious to rewrite history to salvage their professional reputations.

Favorite scene: Zsa Zsa's attempt to impersonate the queen by donning her mask and issuing orders in her imperious and distinctive Hungarian accent, then being shocked when the ruse fails.

The infamous so-bad-it's-good space opera from director Edward Bernds, the man who gave us several of the `Three Stooges' movies. Zsa Zsa Gabor (a former `Miss Hungary') plays one of the Venusian women who defies the evil Queen of Venus (Lauren Mitchell) and falls in love with one of the four Earth men who lands on their planet. The queen hates all males because her face (which she hides behind a mask) was scarred in a war the women once fought against the now-extinct Venusian men (an idea perhaps borrowed from `Abbott and Costello Go to Mars').

The captive Earth astronauts go nuts over the sexy dames, all of whom look just fine in their futuristic miniskirts. The mission commander is Eric Fleming (`Rawhide' and `The Conquest of Space'), and one of the crewmen is Paul Birch (`Not of this Earth').

The best thing you can say about this movie is that it gives the audience a look at numerous props from more worthy 1950s science fiction movies: the astronauts' uniforms and the Venusian women's outfits are all borrowed from `Forbidden Planet' (along with a few blasters). The spaceship is from `Flight to Mars' (from a design originally submitted but rejected for the `Destination Moon' rocket). The sets and monster spider are from `World Without End' (the latter of which was also directed by Bernds, though it's a much better movie).

Amazingly enough, it was filmed in color and CinemaScope, one of the few 1950s sci-fi films that can claim this honor. In 1987 it was beautifully spoofed in `Amazon Women on the Moon', right down to the borrowed `Forbidden Planet' uniforms (recreated for that film).

"Vimmen cannot be happy vizout man!"

Thus spake Zsa Zsa Gabor, the most unlikely sci-fi heroine of the fifties. And I guess she'd know. Swanning around the Venutian landscape trailing yards of tulle - she has apparently learned nothing from Isadora Duncan's grisly demise - its up to Zsa Zsa to save the earth from obliteration from what appears to be a ready-to-assemble treehouse.

If logic were the order of the day here it would be patently obvious from this that we're all a-goner. Happily, logic has nothing to do with it; the Venus La Gabor inhabits bears no resemblance to anything in our solar system.

Not for the first time in movie history - I'm thinking "Fire Maidens from Outer Space" here - Venus turns out to be the province of buxom, slightly past their prime showgirls, and there's nary a man in sight. Why? Well, once upon a time the men folk started a nuclear war which caused many of the women, including the planet's ruler, to suffer hideous facial scars. Suitably stung, the men were banished to a nearby satellite; meanwhile the queen wears a stupid mask and the women evidently pass their time doing their hair. In each coif there's never a strand out of place, and somewhere on Venus somebody's doing a roaring trade on fire-engine red lipstick.

Things get sticky when a whole lot of Earth astronauts land on Venus, bringing with them the sets and props for "Forbidden Planet". (Even Anne Francis' gowns get a second outing from the #2 Venus babe. No hand me downs for Zsa Zsa though!) The women are at first hostile, but the natural order is restored when Zsa Zsa takes the helm, and long before the fadeout all is goo eyes and closed mouth kissing. The men are asserting their superiority, the women are all "dames", no doubt scuttling back to the kitchen, and those who showed even the smallest trace of backbone - ie the baddies - are all safely dead.

Its hard to say whether Zsa Zsa thought this was her big break or whether she knew how hilarious the whole thing is. At any rate she dominates the proceedings, which is no mean feat seeing as she has some of the silliest sets, dialogue and special effects to compete with. People who claim that Marilyn Monroe was never given a chance to extend her dramatic range might consider taking up Zsa Zsa's cause as well. I can see her now in a 1956 remake of "Mildred Pierce" in bright, bright Technicolor.

For the time being, enjoy what's on offer. "I hate zat qveen!" snaps our star.

Ah, but how the queens love you Zsa Zsa.