Reminders and Pointers for a Smoother Life

REMINDERS AND POINTERS FOR A SMOOTHER LIFE

BY MANISH JAITLY

First published in 2022

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Copyrights © by Manish Jaitly

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ISBN 978-93-5566-088-6

DISCLAIMER

The author has stated techniques, advice and procedures in good faith and takes no responsibility for the experiences any reader of this book has by following them.

INTRODUCTION

Most of you will agree that pebbles often give you more trouble than boulders. Life is like that; big troubles often happen for minor reasons. We land in awkward situations, get into quarrels, meet with accidents and so forth for the flimsiest of reasons. Ignoring common sense causes a lot of distress in our lives. 

Some reasons that cause trouble, embarrassment and physical harm in our lives are ignorance of:

the other person’s personality and emotions

rules of etiquette and attire

physical safety rules

psychology

general knowledge

This book points out in bullet list format, the specific facts you should know and always remember to avoid discord in your day-to-day life. You will find the knowledge in this book very helpful in having a smoother and higher quality of life. This book is for both young people and adults. However, reading this book will help teenagers avoid a lot of trouble in their later life. Teenagers today are distracted; many do not read and do not care to understand the subtlety of human nature and behavior. This book will show them the alerts and red flags in life that they must learn about early in their lives. However, to repeat, this book is for adults, too.

This book’s best measure of success will be to encourage you to explore and learn more than what it contains. The knowledge in this book is very useful, but not complete. Life is vast and complex, so one book can’t cover everything. You will find some useful resources mentioned here.

Trust me, this book may save your life.

Happy Reading!

Manish Jaitly

MJAITLY.COM

Email – info@mjaitly.com

Twitter - @MJaitlyC

Instagram - @mjaitly123 and @mjaitly_author

Table of Contents

BY MANISH JAITLY

DISCLAIMER

INTRODUCTION

A LITTLE DOSE OF PSYCHOLOGY

DANGEROUS PEOPLE

RELATIONSHIPS & OTHER TYPES OF PEOPLE

BEHAVING THE RIGHT WAY

WHERE ARE YOU HEADED?

A SICK SOCIETY

SOME LESSONS FROM LIFE

PROTECTING YOURSELF

SOME GENERAL USEFUL ADVICE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A LITTLE DOSE OF PSYCHOLOGY

Some psychological terms one should know:

Perceptual position - This means stepping outside one’s boundary of views and looking at a situation from the other person’s point of view as well. It is assessing the situation, assuming you are the other person.

Guilt Tripping – This means making someone feel guilty to make them do something or manipulate them.

Flying Monkey – A flying monkey is a person who willingly or unwillingly works for a manipulator to damage another person’s life.

Virtue Signaling – According to the Cambridge dictionary, virtue signaling is an attempt to show other people you are a good person, such as by expressing opinions that will be acceptable to them, especially on social media.

Hindsight Bias – People tend to look at the past and think they could have predicted the event better. Hindsight bias is the typical I-knew-this-would-happen or I-knew-this-all-along feeling.

Double foot-in-the-door – The foot-in-the-door technique is when someone manipulates another person to fulfil a small request. Once the latter agrees or does the favor, the manipulator then makes a bigger request. Therefore, this is a two-step process. However, the double-foot-in-the-door technique involves three steps: make a small request, then a medium one and then the last big request.

Anhedonia – It is the inability to feel pleasure and is one of the signs of emotional numbness.

Ambivert – It is a balance between extrovert and introvert.

White knight syndrome – A person suffers from this syndrome when they feel compelled to rescue other people who are in intimate relationships, often at the expense of their own needs. This term is mostly used for a male who wants to save a ‘damsel in distress’, though it is also used for females.

Spotlight effect – This is the feeling a person experiences when they feel other people are noticing them more than they really are.

Intellectual bullying is when a person uses their knowledge to throw facts, figures, and information at their opponent to outsmart them and manipulate them into submission.

Empathy – This is the ability to place oneself in another person’s place and see things also from the latter’s point of view. There are 2 types of empathy:

Cognitive – This is the ability to understand intellectually what the other person is feeling and imagine what it is to be like him or her. Some dark personalities have cognitive empathy, which they use to manipulate others.

Emotional – This type of empathy includes cognitive empathy but also allows one to connect emotionally with the other person, feel their sufferings and help them in whatever way one can.

Humans suffer from cognitive bias, which is an error in our thinking because of memory, prejudices, and other mental mistakes. The following are the cognitive biases:

Anchoring bias – Relying too much on the first piece of information that we receive.

Availability bias – Overestimating the importance of one’s own experiences and information.

Bandwagon effect – The more other people believe in something, the more you also believe it.

Choice Support Bias – Defending one’s choices made in the past no matter how wrong they were.

Confirmation bias – Accepting information that validates our own beliefs and not that of others.

Ostrich bias – Looking at only the positive side and deliberately ignoring the negative aspects.

Outcome bias – Deciding whether an action was right or wrong only after seeing the outcome of the action. This bias is also known as hindsight bias.

Placebo effect – Believing that something will happen leads to the event happening.

Survivorship bias – Believing knowledge and information followed by those who survived and succeeded but ignoring the fact that many others failed even when they did what the successful ones did.

Stereotyping – Having predetermined beliefs about a person, religion, race, occupation, etc. and harboring expectations according to these beliefs.

Overconfidence – Having succeeded in the past makes us think we will always succeed.

Fact and Information bias – Prioritizing information that in real life may not lead to desired outcomes. For example, thinking that just because a person has the degrees and qualifications, he or she is competent for the job.

Social anxiety is a mental illness and is not the same as shyness. Here are some signs of social anxiety:

Constant fear of being judged by other people. Such people are always worried about how they look, talk and so on.

Self-conscious most of the time and living mostly in fear mode.

Uncomfortable and anxious almost in every setting, such as public transport, interviews, workplace, etc.

Never speak up for themselves and tolerate ill-treatment and manipulation by others.

Out of fear, such people do not contribute ideas, give honest feedback, or pitch in at meetings.

People with social anxiety always fear getting embarrassed.

Relationships are not stable and do not last as these individuals cannot open up their true feelings to others.

Overanalyze the actions and behavior of other people.

Very uncomfortable in social settings such as parties, meetings, or family gatherings.

Bipolar disorder is a mental disease characterized by extreme mood swings during periods of elation and depression. Each of these periods can last up to weeks or even months.

During the elation period, the person displays the following signs:

Feeling elated, hopeful, and overjoyed.

Talking fast and loudly.

Becoming easily irritated, impatient and distracted.

Developing an inflated image of oneself and feeling self-important.

Not feeling like sleeping or eating.

Indulging in risky behavior, over-spending and so on.

During the depression period, the person displays the following signs:

Feeling sad, hopeless, and depressed.

Lacking energy and motivation.

Lack of appetite and loss of sleep.

Not showing interest in daily activities.

Becoming delusional and having irrational thoughts.

Having suicidal thoughts.

These are some signs of emotional numbness. It is best to remember that emotional numbness is often a precursor to depression.

Loss of interest in job and hobbies.

The mind feels blank and does not become stimulated by anything.

Food does not taste good anymore.

No desire to meet family members, friends and loved ones; isolation is now preferred.

Difficulty in understanding one’s own emotions.

Unable to express joy and happiness and feel emotionally detached from everything.

Childhood traumas are caused because of sexual abuse, physically violent parents, lack of love and emotional support, and more. These are the signs that an adult suffers from childhood trauma:

Mostly lives in fear, anxiety, insecurity, and are probably very clingy by nature.

Always seeking praise and validation from others. This could include even seeking social media 'likes'.

Has difficulty in trusting others and is suspicious by nature.

Either truly does not remember much of his or her childhood or is afraid to remember it.

Attracts toxic relationships, and often gets attracted to individuals who are like the ones who caused them trauma in their childhood.

Cannot maintain stable and deep relationships.

Feels that he or she does not deserve love and has low self-esteem. This usually happens when they have been traumatized by those whom they trusted.

Display passive-aggressiveness which means suppressing emotions but especially those which did not get attention from others.

Emotions are volatile and such individuals often lash out in anger.

Very vulnerable to psychiatric disorders such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, depression, etc.

Some interesting psychological facts worth knowing:

If you cry out of happiness, the first tear will come out of the right eye, but if your tears are of unhappiness, the first tear comes out of the left eye.

If you lose your wallet with a picture of a child inside, the person who finds your wallet is more likely to return it.

People like to change the truth rather than their perceptions.

A person is franker when exhausted; this is the reason criminals often confess after long and tiring interrogations.

Humans are much more imaginative during the night than during the day.

The more you spend money on other people, the happier you feel.

When a person is emotionally down, they crave familiar surroundings and people.

A human being can handle a maximum of 150 close relationships.

If you tell someone your deepest secrets while looking them in the eye, they will feel an instant attraction to you. However, you should keep your secrets to yourself.

People who dress well usually feel better about themselves and are happier.

If a person fixes his or her appearance in front of you, it means they like you.

Tilting your head makes you more attractive to the other person.

The structure of the brain changes every time the person learns something new.

If two lovers remain friends after a breakup, it means they are still in love or were never actually in love at all.

A truthful person is more likely to use hand gestures while talking while a liar remains stiff.

The happier a person is, the lesser sleep he or she needs. Likewise, the sadder a person, the more sleep they need.

If you need help from a person, meet them face-to-face as they are less likely to refuse you than when you send them an email text message.

If you ask someone who dislikes you for a small favor, they might start disliking you less.

Your learning goes deeper when you explain what you have learned to other people. This is because when you explain, you do so in simple terms—this way your own concepts become clearer.

A document, when kept in a thick envelope appears more important than when it is kept in a thinner one.

Eye contact and a firm, confident handshake lead to higher chances of getting a job.

If depressed, do something good for someone. It will elevate your mood considerably.

People who get adequate sleep look younger than those who do not.

The smarter a person is, the lesser friends he or she has; they are choosy about people.

The phrase ‘I shouldn’t be telling you this’ motivates the other person to listen to