CURSED HALO

Booting up Cursed Halo feels, for a few moments, like any other Halo playthrough. The introductory cutscene rolls, Cortana makes some cheeky comments, the whole thing feels tense and grand. You’ve seen this before. Then the cutscene jumps to the preparations on board the Pillar of Autumn, and set against Sgt Johnson’s tough-guy speech to the space marines you see a Warthog that looks… wrong. It’s small. Like, way too small, like the Marines (still normal size) are about to be driving around in go-carts.

Well, you think. That’s odd. But everything else seems pretty normal. You start up the campaign, settle into the Master Chief’s several-hundred-kilo boots, and go visit Captain Keyes. He hands you a pistol and you rush to battle. Only once the fighting starts, you start firing and nobody dies. In fact, you start taking damage instead. It’s only then that you