The 100 Most Powerful Bald Men in the World

Behold the Shiny Brilliance of GQ's Bald 100: our freshly updated, highly scientific ranking of the one hundred most powerful, influential and just plain badass-looking bald men in the world

By Sarah Geller, Bess Kalb, Ben Sobel, and Dennis Tang

July 16, 2013

1/100
100. Terry Bradshaw
Former Blond Bomber, Super Bowl-winning QB for Steelers. Still kinda blond, analyst for Fox.
2/100
99. Michael Chiklis
Best known for playing two cops: a nice, gentle one on The Commish, and a tough crooked one on The Shield.

3/100
98. Paul Shaffer
Letterman's longtime sidekick/sycophant; co-wrote "It's Raining Men."
4/100
97. Christopher Meloni
Star of _Law and Order: SVU, _also appeared in True Blood and Man of Steel. Baldness definitely aids his anger-based gravitas.

5/100
96. Tony Hale
Hard to dissociate from the mother-loving Buster Bluth on _Arrested Development; _currently playing the obsequious Gary Walsh on HBO’s Veep.
6/100
95. Lord Voldemort
With his massive Twitter following, is showing that his dark influence extends to the muggle world, too. Hook us up with some phoenix feathers, Voldy, and we can talk ranking.

7/100
94. Kevin Youkilis
Hailed by Moneyball as "The Greek God of Walks;" favorite son of Red Sox Nation, which of course means that he’s now on the Yankees.
8/100
93. Verne Troyer
One of the world's shortest men; got break as stunt double for a nine-month-old baby.

9/100
92. Hulk Hogan
AKA Hollywood Hulk Hogan, working-class WWF hero. Sadly, not in our top 100 for celebrities we’d want to see in a sex tape.
10/100
91. Jamie Hyneman
Co-host of MythBusters, has yet to bust the “berets hide baldness” myth. Granted, he’s never been photographed without his hat on, but c’mon.

11/100
90. Stanley Tucci
Frequent Meryl Streep costar, now playing that dude your kid knows the name of in The Hunger Games.
12/100
89. Todd Greene
Inventor of GQ-endorsed Headblade, which sits in MoMA's permanent collection.

13/100
88. James Taylor
Time, generally speaking, is not kind to rock stars who did a lot of heroin in the 60s. Mud Slide Slim, however, looks less like a haggard former rocker and more like somebody's dad—bald, with big old chinos and an L.L. Bean fleece vest.
14/100
87. James Jannard
Every bro who has ever been on a bicycle has bought a pair of his Oakley sunglasses.

15/100
86. Seth Godin
His catch-phrase marketing jargon—"Purple cow!" "Small is the new big!" "Meatball sundae!"—has made him a bestselling author many times over.
16/100
85. Karl Rove
Political strategist instrumental to the Bush presidency and American partisanship. On-air breakdown after Romney’s electoral hammering was sweet, sweet karma.

17/100
84. Mort Zuckerman
Magazine editor (US News and World Report), publisher (New York Daily News), real estate tycoon, and power boyfriend (Arianna Huffington, Nora Ephron, Gloria Steinem and Diane von Furstenberg).
18/100
83. Dana White
As president of UFC, has done more than anyone to make MMA an actual thing.

19/100
82. Birdman
Rapper formerly of the duo Big Tymers, now an astoundingly successful entrepreneur behind YMCMB crew. Among the most aesthetically ingenious members of the Bald 100: His baldness has become a canvas for dozens of head and face tattoos.
20/100
81. Billy Corgan
Smashing Pumpkins' very pale, morose frontman; dated Courtney before she got to Kurt.

21/100
80. Andre Agassi
His killer backhand, unorthodox not-your-grandfather's-country-club style, raging temper, and marriage to Brooke Shields made him tennis's first rock star.
22/100
79. Moby
Former Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast and punk-rock Marxist, found fame as a geek techno-artist.

23/100
78. LL Cool J
His name stands for “Ladies Love Cool James,” so it sounds like the bald thing is going over well.
24/100
77. Damon Lindelof
Writer of _Lost _and Prometheus, among many others. So if you’re looking to be simultaneously amazed and confused, Damon’s your guy.

25/100
76. Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon
Doubly bald duo of ESPN's Pardon the Interruption.
26/100
75. Ray Allen
Legendarily clutch sharpshooter for the NBA champion Miami Heat. But let’s face it, he’s only on here until a certain more prominent teammate gives up and ditches the headband.

27/100
74. Jason Alexander
Emplified the plight of short bald men everywhere as George Costanza; his subsequent career, sadly, is probably also emplary of that.
28/100
73. Heston Blumenthal
Avant-garde chef and founder of the Fat Duck, where people drive an hour from London to experience some of the best food in the world, no matter how liquified, aerated, multi-sensory, or generally inedible it sounds.

29/100
72. Garth Brooks
Longtime tedious country music phenomenon, has sold more albums than the Beatles despite minimal talent.
30/100
71. Common
MC from Chi City. Known for his thoughtful rhymes and for making Fox News feel threatened. To be fair, he has been in commercials for menacing companies like PETA and the Gap.

31/100
70. Ne-Yo
Grammy-winning R&B singer; not sure we’ve ever heard his music sober during the day.
32/100
69. Ving Rhames
Which of the following is not a Ving Rhames movie? Death Race: Frankenstein Lives, The Wrath of Cain, Evil Angel, Phantom Punch, Day of the Dead, Shooting Gallery. If you guessed anything, you're wrong. Every preposterously sinister one of them is a Ving Rhames movie. Because he is the best at being terrifying.

33/100
68. Pete Townshend
Brash young guitar smasher turned rock dinosaur. "Hope I die before I get old," eh?
34/100
67. Cal Ripken
Baseball hall of famer who broke Lou Gehrig's record for most consecutive games played; known by nickname "Iron Man" for playing through head injuries and never missing a day of work, not because he was an armored superhero who fought communism.

35/100
66. Terry Francona
Current manager of the Cleveland Indians, who led the Red Sox to their first World Series wins in a million years. So naturally, he was fired.
36/100
65. Jason Kidd
First-ballot hall of famer and the new coach of the Brooklyn Nets: from incredibly old player to incredibly inexperienced coach, in one fell swoop.

37/100
64. Stephen Covey
Practicing Mormon and Harvard MBA, built self-help empire with The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; added 8th habit when realized he wanted more money.
38/100
63. Jeffrey Tambor
Lapsed Scientologist best known for his role on Arrested Development, where what hair he has left is a frequent plot device.

39/100
62. Jeff Van Gundy
Former Knicks and Rockets coach and current TNT analyst, best remembered for clinging to Alonzo Mourning's leg as he pummeled Larry Johnson on court.
40/100
61. John Malkovich
His bald head was the subject of an entire movie.

41/100
60. Manu Ginóbili
Key cog for the San Antonio Spurs, who figure to give it one last run this year before Manu’s hair and Duncan’s body finally give out (though you could’ve said all this in like, 2009).
42/100
59. James Carville
Prominent Democratic pundit. What he lacks in hair he makes up for in Cajun-ness.

43/100
58. John McCain
If nothing else, McCain knows how to pick a woman. For his first political move, he traded up to Cindy McCain, who bankrolled his career. And for the one that relegated him to right-wing lunacy and confirmation hearings, he chose Sarah Palin.
44/100
57. Jason Statham
Quickly turning into the younger, less tongue-in-cheek Bruce Willis for your popcorn action needs.

45/100
56. Kelly Slater
The most famous and successful pro surfer of all time, but winning eleven world titles pales next to ten guest spots on Baywatch.
46/100
55. Mike Tyson
Then: Heavyweight champion, Punch-Out, pet tigers. Now: Face tattoos, The Hangover, pigeon racing.

47/100
54. The Blue Man Group
Mute stage performers who use baldness to preserve the anonymity of their numbers. Might be sore about rejecting a higher-up on this list from their ranks.
48/100
53. Ed Harris
Break out role as astronaut John Glenn in The Right Stuff; generally plays either conniving bad guys or outrageous historical figures.

49/100
52. Tom Colicchio
If there's one thing he's taught us from all his Top Chef judging, it's that to truly satisfy the most sophisticated palates, you must add bacon. If you refuse for whatever pretentious, cardiovascular-aware reason to serve Chef Tom his daily something covered in bacon, you must pack up your knives and go.
50/100
51. Cory Booker
Mayor of Newark, New Jersey and Democratic party darling. Running for senate in fall of 2013, which naturally means he’ll be ready for the presidency a few years after that.

51/100
50. David Cross
The big breakout among bald _Arrested Development _cast members, Cross’s Tobias Fünke is just a simple analrapist, looking to get his rocks off.
52/100
49. Stephen Breyer
Best smile on the bench.

53/100
48. Floyd Mayweather
Undefeated as a professional bor, which is not unrelated to the fact that he let someone else beat Manny Pacquiao for him.
54/100
47. Robert Duvall
The Forrest Gump of defining moments in American cinema, he's uncannily appeared in virtually every iconic film of the past five decades, from To Kill a Mockingbird to MASH, to The Godfather, to Network, to Apocalypse Now, to Sling Blade, to Gone in 60 Seconds.

55/100
46. Jim Cramer
Perpetually shouting host of CNBC's Mad Money. Incredibly still an influential figure after his legendary "BEAR STEARNS IS FINE!" pronouncement.
56/100
45. George Foreman
Remembered more for knocking out fat than knocking out Joe Frazier.

57/100
44. Albert Pujols
One of the greatest hitters of all time, but whose 10-year, $254 million contract figures to be an albatross for the Angels down the line.
58/100
43. Patrick Stewart
Captain Picard. (Also, one of greatest Shakespearean actors of his generation.)

59/100
42. Larry David
The semi-autobiographical protagonist of Curb Your Enthusiasm; thinks syndication checks from Seinfeld are prettay, prettay good.
60/100
41. Michael Pollan
Science journalist whose writing on food and agriculture has made him a hero to kale-loving yuppies nationwide.

61/100
40. Pitbull
People of America, it’s your fault he’s this high up
62/100
39. Kevin Garnett
Fifteen-time NBA All Star, who will be taking his trash-talking, spit-flinging, and generally-piss-everyone-off brand of basketball to Brooklyn this fall.

63/100
38. Phil McGraw
America's most-trusted one-hour psychologist.
64/100
37. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Leading scorer in NBA history turned Girls critic.

65/100
36. Vin Diesel
Former star of the _Fast and the Furious _franchise, now star of the _Fast and the Furious _franchise. The less said about the in-between, the better.
66/100
35. Dick Vitale
The voice of college basketball, baby.

67/100
34. Kobe Bryant
Sadly the Mamba is trending down, as his chances at another title are hampered by injuries, age, and Dwight Howard. We’re not sure about a post-playing career in television, either, given…you know.
68/100
33. Ben Kingsley
Colonial nomad turned British Knight, omnipresent film and theater actor best recognized as the screen-version Gandhi.

69/100
32. Sean Connery
Then: From Russia with Love, Power Suit. Now: Retirement, Power Donut.
70/100
31. Domenico Dolce
The lesser-haired of Dolce & Gabbana. Fashion royalty, whose duds are worn by style diehards and soccer players all around the world.

71/100
30. Lloyd Blankfein
Weathered the financial crisis as CEO of Goldman Sachs, tirelessly protecting his banker's bonuses no matter how many private jets he had to take to Washington to convince Congress to float him the money.
72/100
29. Marc Andreessen
As the co-creator of Mosaic and Netscape, was instrumental in creating web browsers and thus the Web as we know it. So all you kids #YOLO-ing it up on your swagbooks better respect.

73/100
28. Dick Cheney
What will history remember about Dick Cheney? Starting a war? Shooting a guy? The undisclosed locations? The bypass surgeries? Probably whichever’s the least important. Yeah, that one.
74/100
27. Magic Johnson
The greatest NBA point guard of all time. We’re guessing his son, who is a “junior at New York University studying event management and design with an interest in fashion, journalism and media,” probably won’t follow in dad’s footsteps.

75/100
26. Steven Soderbergh
Auteur filmmaker who can make even male strippers and Sasha Grey into subjects of middle-class ennui.
76/100
25. Jeffrey Katzenberg
Responsible for delighting several generations of children and stay-at-home parents with films like _The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, _and _Shrek; _smile is not unlike that of his Dreamworks creations.

77/100
24. Kenneth Frazier
As the CEO of Merck, is living proof that Big Pharma isn’t holding out on a cure for baldness. Brace for a collective sigh from everyone on this list.
78/100
23. Adrian Peterson
Came within nine yards of breaking the NFL’s all-time rushing record last year, despite suffering an injury that would end a lesser man’s career. Shaves his head, presumably, because unstoppable football machines have no need for hair.

79/100
22. Charles Barkley
One-time NBA MVP and Round Mound of Rebound; now everyone’s favorite barely intelligible TNT analyst.
80/100
21. Ben Bernanke
In 2009, we called him “The Man Who Saved America.” Nowadays, he’s the man who’s…keeping it in a impossibly slow and steady recovery? Fed chairs just aren’t sexy when you aren’t betting billions on the euro, or staring food lines in the face.

81/100
20. David Simon
As the creator of show-of-the-decade The Wire, was named a MacArthur Fellow, finally proving that television can indeed be genius.
82/100
19. Craig Newmark
His Craigslist provides a means to sublet an apartment, furnish it, and populate it with roommates. Bonus: missed connections with psychotics on late-night subway rides.

83/100
18. Ron Howard
Oscar-winning director; cofounder of one of most successful production companies in Hollywood; narrator of Arrested Development. No such sweet deal for brother Clint.
84/100
17. Dwayne Johnson
Hulking Miami Hurricanes lineman turned hulking WWE wrestler turned hulking action star. And you thought lifting weights was just for vanity.

85/100
16. Steve Ballmer
In 1980 he made the wise decision to join the 23-person staff of a start-up called Microsoft. He now has $15 billion. Currently trying to convince everyone that a tablet with Excel on it is good because breakdancing.
86/100
15. Jonathan Ive
The man behind Apple’s drool-worthy design language. We’re assuming he shaves his head for those clean, minimalist lines.

87/100
14. Rick Ross
Corrections officer turned Teflon Don. Bald head-full beard combo earned him his stage name, a reference to the similarly-coiffed and named drug lord (who wasn’t exactly amused by the homage/plagiarism). His corpulence sans shirt is a trademark.
88/100
13. Shaquille O'Neal
NBA legend, rapper, U.S. Marshall, TNT analyst, the Big Aristotle, Diesel, the Big Cactus, Shaq Fu, Ka__zaam…basically, the Homer Simpson of world-famous athletes.

89/100
12. Pope Francis
The new pope, making conservative clerics everywhere lose their zucchettos over his people-pleasing, guesthouse-living ways.
90/100
11. Vladimir Putin
Ex-KGB Russian president for life. Which is all we need to know to not dare to say anything more about the man.

91/100
10. Matthew Weiner
His name can swiftly cause ecutives at HBO and Showtime to bang their heads against the wall over having passed over Mad Men, which has singlehandedly revived AMC and actresses who eat.
92/100
9. Louis C.K.
Master of cynicism and stand-up comedy legend, known for his merciless (and hilarious) dissections of the depressing minutiae of everyday life. So really, being bald and pudgy is essential to the shtick.

93/100
8. Dave Chappelle
Comedic genius. The brilliance of Chappelle’s Show precipitated years of frat boys yelling “I’m Rick James, bitch!” which may have led to him spending the last several years off the grid. Finally now, he seems to be quietly beginning his return to the public eye; we can only hope he’s as skeet-tastic as he ever was.
94/100
7. Rupert Murdoch
So he's going through a divorce, and his media empire's been split in twain, _and _that whole phone-tapping scandal is still lurking in the background, but the Montgomery Burns of the 3D world nevertheless wields a massive amount of influence from here to his native Australia. Clear eyes, billions of dollars, never lose.

95/100
6. Samuel L. Jackson
Jedi knight, Federal anti-snake agent, fugitive chemist, slave-hating Uncle Tom, research scientist eaten by velociraptors, research scientist eaten by mutated shark.
96/100
5. Jeff Bezos
As the founder of Amazon, has caused more one-click impulse buys than anyone in human history. But, free shipping!

97/100
4. Bryan Cranston (as Walter White)
Funny how a quick shave turns a man from Malcolm’s dad into Heisenberg. The baldness used to be because of chemo; now, it’s just from being so incredibly evil.
98/100
3. Bruce Willis
He wrote the book on middle-aged virile baldness.

99/100
2. The Dalai Lama
His Holiness has imparted wisdom and guidance to millions of faithful devotees and Richard Gere.
100/100
1. Michael Jordan
His Airness made bald cool, simple as that. It's hard to equate hair with virility, when you're watching a bald man jam on Patrick Ewing like he's a stepladder. Say what you will about his current aesthetic leanings, but Jordan is undoubtedly one of the greatest and coolest athletes of all time—and dudes around the world have been shaving their heads ever since.

Written by GQ Staff

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