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“Go To Hell”: MIL Declares Herself “The Only Grandma,” Is Shocked When No One Laughs
Family dinners are unpredictable. One moment you’re enjoying a nice homemade meal, and the next—someone shares their unfiltered thoughts that make you think you wouldn’t even be there if you weren’t related.
Recently, a Reddit user vented on the platform about a particularly hurtful exchange with her mother-in-law. The lady, after learning that her son and his wife were expecting a baby, thought it was ok to toast to the fact that she was going to be the only grandma.
Her daughter-in-law, who was still mourning her own mother, found the comment deeply insensitive and couldn’t hold back her emotions.
RELATED:
When couples expect a baby, their families rally together to offer support and share in the excitement
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But for this mom-to-be, bringing her in-laws along for the ride meant enduring insensitive comments and thoughtless behavior
Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual photo)
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway-97252801
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Insults aside, the lady was apparently trying say that time heals all wounds, but that’s a blanket statement and isn’t necessarily the best way to help someone cope with their loss.
“When my father died, well-meaning, compassionate friends said to my mother that with enough time, she would get over the loss of my father, someone with whom she had spent almost every day since they were married,” writes Dr. Stan Goldberg, a professor emeritus at San Francisco State University, who for more than 25 years taught, provided therapy, researched, and published in the areas of learning problems, communication disorders, loss, change, and end-of-life issues.
“It was advice commonly given and found in many counseling approaches, where the ‘time heals’ mantra is repeated. My mother’s response was prophetic: ‘There isn’t enough time in the universe for me to get over his death.'”
“So, what creates grief associated with a change in identity? What ties the loss so intensely to us that we are immobilized when we think about its absence? The loss of the emotion it generated. We get enjoyment and fulfillment not from the thing, activity, or person itself but from the emotions it once stirred in us.”
Simply put, the greater the attachment, the greater the wound. Even though losing a loved one hurts and can evoke anger, frustration, and sadness, our natural feelings are meant to be experienced. This is normal, and denying these reactions does not invite peace.
People often work through grief and trauma by telling their stories over and over again. Unless you are asked for your advice, don’t be quick to offer it.
What do you think ?
Yu Pan 20 hours ago
Op you do not need to make this a throwaway account. Let your husband see just how the whole reddit community think of him.
Janelle Collard 19 hours ago
Absolutely! He needs to know he's *wrong* not to support his pregnant wife over his b**ch-a** mom.
Load More Replies... Traveling Lady Railfan 19 hours ago (edited)
You need to know that the first year after losing one of the most important people in your life is hard for a million reasons. (First birthday first Christmas first every other holiday that they're not there) But the second year isn't much better either because everyone else thinks that you should have "moved on by now" which is ridiculous because she's your mom. It'll never stop hurting that she's gone and you'll always be sad that she never got to see her grandchild. Mother-in-law's joke was flat ("I'll be the favorite that's because I'm the only") and insensitive. "This is YOUR fault because you're still upset nearly a year later?" How would she feel of her kid died? Do you think that she'd be over it a year later? She wouldn't. She would hold this pain in her heart forever. And you will too. But, new love will temper the pain. With time, it won't hurt so much anymore. Right now it hurts extra because it feels like your mom's memory is being disrespected. This is not your fault.
Gwen 17 hours ago
I totally agree with you! My mom passed away 9 years ago, and I still have my moments were it is really painful that she's not here.
Load More Replies... Gwyn 18 hours ago
If MIL had immediately apologized and owned up to it I would have given her the benefit of the doubt but it seems like MIL was very focused on making this about her. Maybe she has some jealousy for OPs Mom. She also seems resentful of OPs grief.
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 hours ago
Exactly. Sometimes something just pops out, and you didn't mean for it to sound like that but a second or two later you realize "Oh my god I shouldn't have said that"... And most people stay quiet and then it becomes uncomfortable or blows up.... If immediately after saying something stupid and you realize you just put your foot in your mouth you own it and you apologize genuinely and you said "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it like that..." Hey. We all say stupid things sometimes. The most important part is realizing you made a mistake and not being so prideful as to double down and make the other person into the problem.
Load More Replies... Yu Pan 20 hours ago
Op you do not need to make this a throwaway account. Let your husband see just how the whole reddit community think of him.
Janelle Collard 19 hours ago
Absolutely! He needs to know he's *wrong* not to support his pregnant wife over his b**ch-a** mom.
Load More Replies... Traveling Lady Railfan 19 hours ago (edited)
You need to know that the first year after losing one of the most important people in your life is hard for a million reasons. (First birthday first Christmas first every other holiday that they're not there) But the second year isn't much better either because everyone else thinks that you should have "moved on by now" which is ridiculous because she's your mom. It'll never stop hurting that she's gone and you'll always be sad that she never got to see her grandchild. Mother-in-law's joke was flat ("I'll be the favorite that's because I'm the only") and insensitive. "This is YOUR fault because you're still upset nearly a year later?" How would she feel of her kid died? Do you think that she'd be over it a year later? She wouldn't. She would hold this pain in her heart forever. And you will too. But, new love will temper the pain. With time, it won't hurt so much anymore. Right now it hurts extra because it feels like your mom's memory is being disrespected. This is not your fault.
Gwen 17 hours ago
I totally agree with you! My mom passed away 9 years ago, and I still have my moments were it is really painful that she's not here.
Load More Replies... Gwyn 18 hours ago
If MIL had immediately apologized and owned up to it I would have given her the benefit of the doubt but it seems like MIL was very focused on making this about her. Maybe she has some jealousy for OPs Mom. She also seems resentful of OPs grief.
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 hours ago
Exactly. Sometimes something just pops out, and you didn't mean for it to sound like that but a second or two later you realize "Oh my god I shouldn't have said that"... And most people stay quiet and then it becomes uncomfortable or blows up.... If immediately after saying something stupid and you realize you just put your foot in your mouth you own it and you apologize genuinely and you said "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it like that..." Hey. We all say stupid things sometimes. The most important part is realizing you made a mistake and not being so prideful as to double down and make the other person into the problem.
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