2002 My History, Your History, Our History

MY HISTORY, YOUR HISTORY, OUR HISTORY Miqqi Alicia Gilbert, Ph.D. This issue celebrates the 100th edition of Transgender Tapestry, a magazine that began as the house organ of the Tiffany Club, and ended up becoming the most important and prestigious TG publication in the world. More importantly, it marks 25 years during which out community has had a cohesive and identifiable continuity, and, therefore, a history. The history of a group is vital to its identity and even to its very existence as a community. History creates a sense of belonging, a sense of understanding where one is and why that ties you into the past and makes you part of the future. It is no accident that the women’s movement and the gay and lesbian movements have put enormous energy and importance in re-writing history to include themselves. According to mainstream historians, all the key figures in the past were white straight males, and every advance in science, literature and the arts, was an accomplishment of that very group. Nothing of significance was done by women, gays, lesbians, or transgendered people. The effect of this approach, for us, is the sense that we have suddenly appeared out of nowhere, that we have no antecedents, no continuity, no traditions or culture. What we need, very desperately, is a good well-written history of transgender events, culture and history. Leslie Feinberg offered us The Transgender Revolution, which went some little way toward that goal, but lacked the necessary depth and historical research to make it really fulfilling. (Still, if you are unfamiliar with TG history, Leslie’s book is well worth reading.) What history offers us is a sense of connectedness, a sense of who we are and where we come from. For CDs and TGs of my generation, growing up in the pre-web world, there was no easy access to support or connection. Each of us was convinced that we were unique. Surely there is no other young boy who likes to wear girl’s clothes. It’s such a strange and unnatural thing to do that I must be the only one in the world, and if they find out I’ll surely be punished for such sick behavior and yearnings. How could I want to be a girl? I’m a boy – we make fun of girls; tease them and think they’re silly. How could I want to be something that’s silly and teaseable? Yes, and also soft and cuddly and pink and easily hugged and protected and treated gently and… and… and…. It was not until I was about thirty that my then wife came home after a session with her therapist and told me that he said I was a transvestite. A transvestite? I wasn’t a transvestite; I was just a guy who liked to wear women’s clothes. But suddenly I was categorized, medicalized and compartmentalized, and I wasn’t at all sure if I liked that. But, on the other hand, it offered me a rich opportunity: I could go to the library. Which is exactly what I did. The research I did into transvestism was extremely enlightening and not a little confusing. Of course, the first important thing was to realize that I was not alone and that my “condition” was both well known and ancient. Every culture has transgender people, and treats them in a wide variety of ways. Clearly, North American culture in general, and Brooklyn, New York Jewish culture in particular, had little patience with gender diversity. But that wasn’t the case everywhere. I also learned that there were people like Virginia Prince who were describing the phenomenon from the inside and urging tolerance, starting associations, and bringing cross dressing people together. The idea of talking to other cross dressers was far too frightening for me to pursue, but knowing that others were out there was a great relief. My real next step did not occur until almost 10 years later, 1985. My second wife (common law) was in hospital out of town for a transplant operation. I was busily going backward and forward, trying to care for her while keeping my job and the kids afloat. On one home visit I decided to try and relax by checking out CompuServe. I’d bought a new modem and it came with three free hours on that service. I’d heard a lot about all the CB (Citizen’s Band) discussions and so on, and was curious. Remember, this was well before chat rooms and IRC, and the idea that people from different places were chatting with each other was newsworthy. Well, you won’t believe what happened. I signed up and logged on. I remembered from some article that I had to type in Go CB. When I got there it asked me to pick a handle, which I did, “Mad Mike” or something like that. Now here’s the amazing part. The system then asked me to pick a Band, A or B. For no reason I picked A. It then asked me to pick a channel – a number between, I think, 1 and 18. I picked 13. The system then popped me into channel A13 and messages began to scroll across the screen. But there was something odd about them. The names were all female, abut all had a (tv) or (ts), so you didn’t just see “Jenny” or “Marie,” but “Jenny (tv)” or “Marie (ts).” Yes, within something like two months of its being created I had walked directly into the world’s first transgender chat space. Talk about Jungian synchronicity. It literally took my breath away, but I was also completely overwhelmed, and there was far too much going on in my life at that point to explore the channel. But later, when I was recovering from the loss of my wife, those gals at A13 were a Goddess’ gift to me. So the first two major steps of my personal history involve first, self-identification and recognition, and the second was the discovery of community. The third came another 10 years later, and that was commitment. You’ve read about that in the last two issues, so I won’t repeat myself except to say that without the first two steps the third is not possible. Before you can make a commitment to yourself and your group you have to identify them and with them. Only then can you participate in the emancipation and progress of your community. I believe my personal history is a very common one in our community. Sure, it changes from CD to TS, from FtM to MtF, but the core pattern is the same, and the difficulty with this pattern is that it is a slow one. It’s slow because we are still hidden, still deviant, still the exceptions, the outlaws. When we can show that we do not stand alone, but stand in a long line of transgendered people, male, female and intersex, who have existed, thrived, loved, fought, and contributed, then we can begin young and proud. More and more young people are identifying as gender variant at younger and younger ages, and we have to ensure that they have a road behind them to look at so that they can look ahead and see where to go. That’s why history is important. Your feedback is important to me. I need to know you’re out there. Please drop a line to miqqi@gilbert1.net. Hope to see you at Fantasia Fair in October.