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Kitty Unpretty

@unpretty / unpretty.tumblr.com

💙 30-something 💙 She/Her 💙 Queer 💙 Latina 💙 Polyamorous 💙 Certified Dick Wizard 💙 Shit For Brains 💙 This used to be unpretty.space but Matt Mullenweg killed it. I'm a huge bitch and I'm dumb as hell. I reblog every damn thing and write about weird monster dicks. I will not apologize to Alton Brown. Posts by me are #original. Some people seem to like #fanfic and #ficblogging. I've also got #greatest hits. Other than that, my tags are fucking useless. If you need things tagged, you're better off following me through kittyunpretty.com or unpretty@ao3.
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A half-feral hero, a monster king, a bastard prince, and an open world. Bound by destiny, they save or slay one another, an endless cycle of death and rebirth. When the Moonlight Monster rises, the Starlight Hero is Astielle’s only hope. Unfortunately, she’s a little busy with her rock collection.

☽✷☀

Astielle is a free webnovel about the Starlight Hero (Minnow), her nemesis the Moonlight Monster (King Karzarul), and his nemesis the Sunlight Heir (Prince Leonas). It is an endless reincarnation cycle enemies-to-lovers speedrun and slow burn about trying to avoid the main quest by doing every possible sidequest instead. It's about trying to get your friend away from his shitty family and into your polycule instead. It is over 200k words, and almost 40k of them are a flashback to completely different characters thousands of years before the main story. A lot of readers tell me it is very funny, or that it made them cry. It was supposed to be PWP. It is a hot fucking mess in progress.

"You shouldn't let her eat rocks," Ari said.
"If she wants to eat a rock," Leonas said, "there is nothing on this or any other plane of existence that I can do to stop her from eating the fucking rock."
"I spit it back out," Minnow said. She was regretting ever telling him about the rock. "Can we move on, please? I would like to move on."

Astielle features:

Farming | Fishing | Cooking | Fast-travel | Monster-fucking | Murder | Extremely round pigs | Extremely small chickens | A mystery-solving teen | Traveling bards | Gratuitous face-fucking | The homeowner's association | Magical dreams | Zombies | Nihilism as a coping mechanism for undiagnosed depression | Politics | Using a sword as an all-purpose adventuring tool | Tax evasion | At least one monster gangbang | Spider's Gorge | Pirates | Unreliable narrators | Incorrect historical records | The looming specter of religious nationalism | Churros

[Table of Contents] [RSS Feed] [Email Alerts]

Source: kittyunpretty.com
#original#fiction#fantasy#astielle#astielleblogging
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reblogged
commandgoldfuckers
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april

cats are really good at looking at things. very useful

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april

having two cats essentially means you have a bug and rodent triangulation system. if they are both looking at something you know for damn sure there is some unauthorised fucking thing there.

#reblog#queue continuum
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re-dracula
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onyrica

Carmilla & Laura - [ Book Cover ]

I am so incredibly proud to finally reveal my cover design for the Deluxe Hardcover edition of Carmilla & Laura, the classic lesbian vampire novella retelling by bestselling author SD Simper!

First, and most importantly, please make sure you sign up to be notified when the project launches (even if you don't plan to pledge) as all interest/sharing will help a great deal: Kickstarter Page 

Secondly, I'm honestly so excited to be part of this project. I've always wanted to design book covers - or book art in general - and to see my work finally make it to people's shelves will definitely be one of my life's highlights.

I worked incredibly hard on this piece (which will extend to the full dustjacket in the hardcover edition) - from the characters, whose faces and tones were a huge challenge to align in a way that felt right, to well... the flowers. Of course it had to have flowers. Nobody even asked for the flowers - it just had to have flowers.

Someone save me from myself.

The kickstarter will feature several tiers with many bonus add-ons - one of which will be limited edition prints of the cover art hand-signed by yours truly - as well as art by other wonderful artists and annotated copies by the author, so please make sure that you come back for the launch and consider supporting the project and/or telling everyone you know about it.

As always, your thoughts are loved and if you have any questions about the Kickstarter make sure you drop them in the comments!

#reblog
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average-beets
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garbuge

oh another fun buddhism thing, bugs are in a kind of purgatory, where it's very difficult to accrue enough karma to reincarnate out of the bug realm, so when you see a bug you're supposed to say a prayer for it to help it gain karma. also, i say a lot of prayers for my cats, because they are so selfish and badly behaved that i'm almost certain they're going to be reincarnated as dust mites or something.

#reblog
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reblogged
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theonion
theonion.com

Showing a graciousness and magnanimity that the rest of the world has denied these pariahs and rejects, Jordan Hall, the only good-looking person in the office, was reportedly mingling Wednesday with his hideous coworkers like a missionary among lepers. Several reports indicated that the handsome and fit Hall was drinking and eating alongside the outcasts without a care for the skin rashes that might pass to him, and he even mercifully accepted a pen from one of them as a humble gift. 

Full Story

#meeeee#reblog
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