BALTIMORE — Local vinyl collector and self-proclaimed financial wizard Eric Drysden recently calculated his net worth using vinyl website Discogs.com, claimed friends who were definitely…
UTICA, N.Y. — VFW Post 226 held an emergency fish fry in an attempt to relieve it from the stench that lingered from the punk…
CAMILLUS, N.Y. — Local black metal band Bügnorkvlt shrouded a crowd with their evil, mystifying atmosphere, despite playing at a barely attended bowling alley, corpse-painted…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 46-year-old metalhead Rich Dresden nervously concocted a complex narrative to explain to the clerk at Urgent Breakdown Records why he was…
OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner than a photon of light,…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local stoner rockers Dust Buster’s recent argument that devolved into screaming and name-calling ultimately led to hot, steamy, erotic makeup sex, staff…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local Korn fan Floyd Brennan recently admitted that the band hit its peak approximately 50 seconds into the song “Blind,” confirmed sources…
ST. LOUIS — Local Rush fan and high school senior Micah Kirby spent the entirety of the make out game Seven Minutes in Heaven playing…
I know that anytime you go to a metal show and focus in on the drummer pounding away on the skins at 250 beats per…
CHICAGO — Smashing Pumpkins singer and National Wrestling Alliance owner Billy Corgan suddenly wondered what Billy Corgan thought about all that was going on in…
AUSTIN, Texas — Members of the instrumental post-rock band Explosions in the Sky condemned Hollywood’s current lack of emotionally resonant sports movies that would be…
GREAT BEND, Kan. — Neil Stamp, guitarist for local shoegaze band Quavver, intends to work on playing the guitar as soon as he settles on…
BEDFORD, N.Y. — Local black metal fan Dennis “Bjorn” Rubenstein celebrated the news of the Farmer’s Almanac forecasting a particularly harsh winter this year, several…
CHICAGO — Nu-Metal band Disturbed revealed their 2000 hit “Down with the Sickness” was also a Simon and Garfunkel cover much like their 2015 hit…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s double Nazi salute during today’s inauguration parade led to a tidal wave of approval amongst the nation’s potential school shooters, online…